poem Roost (Poetry)

[spokenthunder]

I am attempting to put my poetry here, since it relates to this Forum a bit. I'm hoping that somebody will enjoy it, appreciate it, or maybe even read it. 

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Roost"

 

On impulse, keys clatter, hands tremble.

The message is always the same.

“Perhaps this is stupid, but

I wanted to express how much I admire you,

How much you inspire me, how much I want to look like you.

Let me be so bold to say that you’re a beautiful man.

You motivate me to continue to pursue my dreams,

My own version of happiness.

So, thank you. That is all.”

 

The recipient bides his time, then forces out a polite response,

Saying thanks for the message, for the kind words.

The void left behind speaks volumes:

“Thanks, but I don’t bother with your type.

You disgust me, you’re trash,

You deserve to die, go burn in hell.”

Spin the roulette for the insecurity of the day.

 

With my mustered courage, you weren’t like that.

Your response was genuine.

“What took you so long, little brother?”

My heart flits like a songbird.

 

You wish to meet for dinner, but you wake up late that day,

Sleeping after a long night as a bouncer at Fritz.

While waiting in the steakhouse at the Batman Building,

Panic strikes with “What ifs”. Then you arrive smiling,

Heavy footsteps, you walk like a goose towards the table.

My head bows, unworthy of the sincere blue of your eyes.

You’re too familiar with the Catholic guilt:

“When people would turn me down, I’d always think,

‘Gosh, what’s wrong with me?’

But, then it struck me that it’s not my fault,

Because I’m a damn great guy.”

 

In the evening light, you escort me to the station

And it is there, that moment, pressing bulk against me,

Effortlessly lifting me onto that bench,

Unabashedly groping my backside, moaning quietly,

That validation erases all doubt.

It is there where fraternal love is possible, pressed against your chest,

Your head nuzzled so gently, your hand petting hair.

I am under your wing.

The whirl of negativity is silenced as we roost.

We roost until the train pulls through.

 

The silence after such an encounter is deafening.

Even afterwards, you extend your regards, saying

That it won’t work, with a wonderful boyfriend, with a life of responsibilities,

That you wish me the best, always.

The void left behind speaks volumes:

“You deserve better. You are not disposable.

I cannot provide the connection, the attention that you are worth.”

Not my fault.

 

It’s too easy for disappointment to settle into flesh,

Too easy to interpret rejection, failure.

You’ve flown away, but there is absolution:

As I pick up feathers along the Fenway,

The sheen of the silver returns me to you

Returns me to that roost, where,

Affirmed under moonlight,

I can become brilliant, can molt out of this form.

Beyond mere admiration, I break free of myself.

[arpeejay]

Great stuff, as always!