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Shane: Confessions of an Underdog (pt 1)


SeaMusc

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That's the first thing you wrote? Like, ever? Even if it isn't, this is great by any standard :)

 

There's a lot of setting up situations and characters that will obviously pay off in the next parts (especially as you said that you already have them outlines). So things are starting only very slowly, but brilliantly pick up the pace by the end. The action is really cool, the writing quite immersive, but the emotions – the feels, dem feels, man! You just want to give every single person in your story a big, friendly hug. They need and deserve it. 

 

Eagerly awaiting part 2 :D

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Two words: Holy. Fuck.

 

This is the first part!? I can't wait for the rest!!!!

 

My only criticism is the punctuation, just take a little time to proofread as there are a lot of places after fullstops or at the end of speech where you haven't added a space after. Other than that, well done!

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Hey Chris.  Thanks for the feedback.  Punctuation was strange in the upload.  In the "copy" I made to past into the window to upload, all the spaces between sentenced disappeared. I was planning on writing an admin about it.  Im bummed about it too, but will try to figure out how to remedy the issue. It's hard to have my first story posted and have a chronic punctuation issue.  :-(  

 

Anyway, glad you liked!  And yes, part II will be coming shortly - maybe a week or so.  Maybe not even that much time.

 

Thanks for the words of support you guys.  

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It's a great start, and the 'muscles powered by love' is a really cool concept.

 

As for the punctuation problem, maybe try writing it in a different text editor? Or maybe just run it through a notepad (copy paste from the original text editor to notepad, then from notepad copy paste it into the new thread).

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Wow, this is a beautiful forst chapter of a story. Truly beautiful work. ^^ <3

I hope that timid growing stud and his handsome angel of a protector will be having a wonderful life together and that our big stud will be giving Rich his dues. >;)

And I truly hope that we'll get to know Shane's past as this story progresses. ^^ <3

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Hey FlameDelft,

 

Thanks for your encouragement.  The concept of growing from "love" is developed here, but it will also be important to remember that 1) Shane has a dark side that he is all too aware of -  a side that he doesn't like - one that wants to kick the shit out of Rich and some others.   and 2) Shane has chosen the size and shape of the body he inhabits even though he knows that his true self is much bigger.  This little bit of information will be key in the second part.  

 

Once again Men of Muscle-Growth,  thanks for your likes and comments - and the messages.  I appreciate it. :-)

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