The Birth of the Ultimate Musketeer : Part One

[CardiMuscleman]

The following is a section from one from the books I have written for the self publishing website Lulu.com and as it deals with a subject matter that members are experienced in, I am hoping that members will critique it before I send it off. The target audience is a family audience, hence the lack of things that are usually seen on this site.
 
It has been a decade since I last was a Musketeer, sadly time has not been kind to my faithful steed Sandy and I am desperate to help him continue in that role, even if it means meeting with someone who is alleged to have communed with the devil.

“Well, hello there” said a voice, “enjoying my researches are you?”

I span round, drew my sword and shouted “Your evil magic cannot harm me, I am a Musketeer Lieutenant and…”

“You’ve come to see me, am I right?” continued the voice, “Here, let me add some light to the situation” and with that he snapped his fingers and every candle in the room lit up and revealed him as a rather old person resembling any number of brilliant, if slightly oddball inventors.

“Alexi?” I asked

“The same” he replied with a smile and noticing my sword said “Let me guess, purveyor of the dark arts, communes with the devil?”

I nodded, sheathing my sword.

“Yes” he smiled, nodding, “I suppose I do let those rumours get a little out of control”

It was becoming abundantly clear that this wasn’t a wizard or indeed a warlock, Alexi was just another of the many people trying to bring the seventeenth century kicking and screaming into the modern era and as a person with the slight scientific bent, I felt I could trust him.

“So Henri, what I can do for you?” he asked

“You know who I am?” I gasped

“Well, of course I know” I said and pointed to a bowl of water in front of him and added mystically “I see all and know all!” and then smiled, “besides how many English Musketeers do you know?”

“He’s as batty as a fruitcake” I thought to myself, which of course meant he was absolutely harmless and I apologised for drawing my sword on him.

“Oh, don’t worry about that” he smiled, “happens to the best of us. Now, let’s see if this water can tell me why you’re here” and he tapped his bowl and as I watched I gasped as an image appeared in the bowl of Sandy’s drenching.

“But that’s impossible” I breathed.

“Nothing’s impossible” he smiled, “you just have to know what to do. So, let me guess, you’d like me to take a few years off Sandy right?”

“Can you do that?” I asked

“Can I do that?” he laughed, and then stopped, “Can I do that?” he asked and scratched his head, “Of course I can!” he added and leapt out of his chair and started gathering all manner of ingredients listing them as he went and started to throw them into a cauldron that was in the middle of the room.

“Newt’s Eyes” he said, “Snakeskin, Boiled toadwarts”

“Bolied Toadwarts?” I asked

“Yes” came the reply as he threw more ingredients in “just everyday ingredients that you have lying around the house!”

“Your house maybe” I thought as I peered into the cauldron, “but certainly not mine” and asked him “And this mixture will do what?”

“You’ll see” chuckled Alexi as he stirred the mixture and a short while later filled a bottle with the green coloured liquid and handed it to me.

“Give this to Sandy and be amazed!” he smiled

I gave the bottle to Sandy who sniffed it and turned his nose up at it.

“Oh come on, it’s not that bad!” I said and sniffed it myself before adding, “Wooh! I stand corrected” but Sandy was insistent.

“Sandy” I said, “It’s either this or permanent retirement and if you retired then….then I would as well. You are my faithful steed and I simply would refuse to be a Musketeer without you at my side!”

Sandy looked down and then at the bottle and slowly opened his mouth.

“That’s the spirit” I said and poured the bottle into his mouth.

He suddenly neighed and reared up as if in great pain.

“SANDY!” I exclaimed and then roared at Alexi, “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?”

“Wait and see” he chuckled

As Sandy continued to neigh in agony I wanted to hug my faithful steed and wail “Sandy, I am so sorry. I should have believed Aramis” when Sandy started to paw the floor like a bull waiting to charge and then reared up again.

“Get down” shouted Alexei and grabbing me threw me and himself to the floor and as we did I felt a wave of energy pass through me and what sounded like an explosion. I quickly got up and stared in disbelief. Where Sandy had been there now stood a massive shire horse at least thirty hands tall shaking its head and breathing hard. It looked around as if unsure of where it was and then realised something, held its head up high and neighed louder than I had ever heard a horse neigh before.

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO SANDY?” I bellowed to Alexei

“I’ve done nothing!” he said, “I have simply done what you asked me to do. I have regenerated Sandy!”

I held my head in my hands and said slowly, “I asked you to make Sandy not have to retire, not destroy him in some kind of weird biological experiment and replace him with a shire horse!”

“But I haven’t!” he said, “That’s Sandy!” and pointed to the horse who was now trotting around in a state of sheer joy.

“Er, excuse me” I said, in a tone of voice similar to high school girls in California, “that is never Sandy in a million years” and went next to the shire horse. “For starters, I’ll never be able to mount him, his saddle is taller than me, then there is the small matter that Sandy was a medium sized horse and this is a monster, and thirdly, WHERE’S SANDY?”

“There!” replied Alexei pointing to the horse.

“LOOK!” I bellowed, trying my darnest to be polite and failing, “I want my horse back, the horse that my “father” gave me all those years ago, the horse that I rode from my home to Mearne, the horse that was insulted twice on that journey, the horse…”

Suddenly, the Shire horse stopped trotting and tapped the floor three times with its hoof.

“Sorry” I said, “the horse that was insulted three times on that journey, the horse…” and then I stopped. “Three times?” I asked softly and cast my mind back to that journey to Mearne and as I remembered a dawning realisation came to me.

“I was insulted three times on the road to Mearne” and turned to the horse, “Sandy, is…is that you?”

The shire lowered his head to me and gave me a big lick.

“SANDY” I exclaimed and gasped in amazement at what Sandy now was. The biggest horse I had ever seen in my life. As I walked around him, I breathed “Wow, what would happen if a person drank that mixture?”

“That’s a very good question” said Alexi, “fancy giving it a go?”

“What?” I asked

“Well, not that mixture exactly” he said, “that’s only really for animals, but I’ve got something bubbling upstairs that might just tickle your fancy” and with that opened a door and gestured me to follow.

I was in two minds. Was this man a very early biologist who had stumbled on a way of regenerating old and tired material into young material or was, as Aramis had suggested, a wizard? Then he said something that sealed the deal.

“Follow me” he said as he went upstairs, “and you will become stronger than Porthos himself!”

“Oh yeah!” I said to myself, “that’ll do it!” and followed him up a narrow flight of steps and towards another room that he unlocked the door to. In the middle of it was a massive cauldron with a green gloop bubbling away.

“Right” said Alexi, “first of all dip your sword in that cauldron”.

I did as instructed and the gloop suddenly turned bright silver.

“Excellent, that proves that you’re a good man” he said, adding, “This potion is only given to those who are pure of heart, brave and courageous” and with that he took a bowl and scooped some of the potion and handed it to be saying “Congratulations, Henri, you’re literally one in a million!”

As I took the bowl I looked at it with caution, “and if I drink this I’ll become…?” and lowered my head to indicate Sandy.

“Not quite” he said, “this is just the first stage but when all the stages are complete, you will become the most powerful man on Earth!”

Well, when you are given that opportunity you don’t pass it up and so I downed the contents of the bowl in one and then pulled a face. “Urghhh! Garlic!” I grimaced.

“Yes” Alexi replied, “perhaps there is a bit too much in there” and taking the bowl said, “Now, sheath your sword and we’ll go outside!”


I stood next to Sandy who was still overjoyed with his new found strength and power and followed Alexi’s instructions to the letter.

“Now, unsheathe your sword and hold it as high as you can. Excellent, now, how would you describe being a Musketeer?”

It was a strange question but I explained everything that I had done. Travelling to England to return the diamond studs to the Queen, Capturing the Purple Peregrine, restoring the King to the throne.

“All very impressive” Alexi said, “but could you condense that into a single phrase at all?”

I thought for a moment and said “Well, I suppose you could say that we all do everything we do for the honour of France!”

No sooner had I said that then I felt unable to move and heard a rumble. Looking up I could see storm clouds gathering and that meant only one thing, a thunderstorm, and here I was holding a metal object in the air. I could feel the positive ions surging away from me making me prime target for any lightning bolt. I tried to shout “Alexi, help me!” but I couldn’t open my mouth or do anything and sure enough, a second later I was hit by lighting.

Now, conventional wisdom says that being struck by lighting is the most effective way of being killed and as someone who studies the weather, I know that whether ever I hear a rumble of thunder I instantly unplug the phone to ensure that no strikes can enter the house, however instead of screaming in agony, I felt empowered. It was impossible to describe what was happening to me, but I felt big, strong and powerful and I was started to get the impression that I was growing not only in bravery, but stature as well. Just as quickly as it started, the surge ended and I roared “I HAVE THE HONOUR” before coming to and gasping for breath saying “Whoa, what was that?”

“That” chuckled Alexi “was the power of the elements combining with that potion to create the Ultimate Musketeer” and went back to the cave entrance and brought back a full length mirror that he placed in front of me and said “What do you think?”

As I stared at the reflection in disbelief, I was lost for words. Where once stood a slightly overweight community councillor from Wales dressed in a Musketeer’s outfit now stood a person who resembled any number of strongmen, power lifters and bodybuilders as to make one wonder if he had just come straight back from a contest. I was still wearing my Musketeer boots but the rest of me beggared belief.

My legs, if you could call them that, looked more like tree trunks now and were topped off with something that resembled a pair of hot pants made out of the same material as my boots. Above that was what I first mistook to be a cobbled path and thinking “Okay, why have I got stones in my stomach?” but as I rubbed them I realised what they were and looked at Alexi with a combination of astonishment and delight.

“ABS!” I cried, “I’ve got a pack!”

And what a pack! Most fitness models I had seen online were boasting about their six pack, some bodybuilders had through years of training had an eight pack, but they had nothing on me as I counted ten distinct muscles all crammed into the tiny space between my waist and my chest and that’s when I noticed it. My chest wasn’t a chest, it was a monster of a chest and was being kept in place, but only just I thought, by a massive breastplate made of the same leather as my boots with the symbol of French authority emblazoned in the middle. A fleur de lys. And as for my arms, it was pretty obvious who would be asked to open those pesky lids that refused to come off jam bottles.

“Oh, Alexi!” I said, on the verge of tears, “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you” and ran over to him and picked him up with ease, “I have dreamed about being as strong as Porthos for years and you have made it all come true. How can I ever repay you?”

“You can start!” he gasped, “by not hugging me!”

Realising that because I was so darned massive, my strength not only overwhelmed that of the Titan who was my best friend but probably even Hercules, I suddenly stopped and lowered Alexi to the ground and started to pace.

“Is something wrong?” he asked

“Alexi” I began, “I cannot thank you enough for what you have done, but if I go back to Musketeer Headquarters looking like this, what will become of Porthos? He’s my best friend and if he sees me like this, he’ll probably think that his strength isn’t needed any more, resign from the Musketeers and I will have lost a friend. Can you suggest anything?”

Alexi smiled, “The Ultimate Musketeer is just that, the ultimate, and only to be used in dire emergencies” and with that pointed to my sword which appeared to be glowing. Gesturing me to point my sword at a rock he told me to say what I had said and as I repeated “I have the honour” a beam of energy shot from the sword and destroyed the rock into a thousand pieces.

“Every time you become the Ultimate Musketeer” he said, “there is a small amount left over. That energy can be used as a weapon or can be used to turn another person into a smaller version of you. I cannot think of a better person to receive that energy than the Living Titan can you?”

I smiled and imagined me and Porthos wrestling each other in our ultimate forms and then realised, “That means I cannot tell everyone who I am can I?”

“They said that you were clever and they were right” replied Alexi, “You can only tell three people about this gift I have given you besides me. Sandy doesn’t count as he can’t talk, so Porthos would be number one, which means you can tell two other people. Remember though, whoever you tell must swear to secrecy never to reveal your gift so choose carefully”

“I will” I said.

“Marvellous” said Alexi and gestured for me to raise my sword again, “now time for the Ultimate Musketeer to prepare for his next adventure. Simply say “Thy honour is preserved” and you’ll go back to your usual English reserved self” and with that he chuckled. As I did the whole process reversed and as I stood there gasping from the effort I sheathed my sword and smiled.

“Remember” said Alexei, as Sandy helped me to mount him, “Only tell three people about your new powers” and with that I bowed and said “Alexei, I have made many friends during my time as a Musketeer, I would consider it an honour if I could count you amongst them!”

Alexei bowed and said “And I would be delighted to accept your friendship” and with that snapped his fingers and he simply vanished into thin air, leaving me and Sandy both mystified. Was he an alchemist, a vanguard of modern science or was Aramis right the whole time?

 

Please be honest in your comments and if you feel it needs a little bit more (remembering that this is aimed at a family audience) then please do say so

[muscl4life]

It does read very nice, the unexpected encounter of two universes: He-man and the Three musketeers. I understand reaches a family audience, and muscle growth is just to help in the creation of a super hero. There are some mistakes in the POV (some paragraphs are written like Alexi was telling the story and not Henri), but nothing that a closer reivew won't find. 

 

Another thing that I noticed is that you are supposed to be telling this story from a 18th century perpsective, and I am almost sure the expression in a tone of voice similar to high school girls in California  wouldn't exactly be used right?

 

These are just my thoughts, I wish you all best in your project!

 

Cheers!

[CardiMuscleman]

Another thing that I noticed is that you are supposed to be telling this story from a 18th century perpsective, and I am almost sure the expression in a tone of voice similar to high school girls in California  wouldn't exactly be used right? These are just my thoughts, I wish you all best in your project! Cheers!

My apologies if I didn't explain at the beginning. These tales are being told from my viewpoint as I find myself in the 17th century (so therefore I would know about such terms as "Yeah, Whatever!" but no one else would demonstrated very nicely later on when I exclaim "GET IN THERE!" when being told that I am to serve at the battle of La Rochelle (and getting some rather strange looks from all around).

This book is actually the sequel to my first self published novel published last year which admittedly has only sold one copy, but I had a wonderful time writing it.