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The once and future : Part One


Hialmar

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PREFACE

Any actual growth will take place in the next chapter.

The once and future

Part one

"It was much better in the days of King Arthur.", Cunedda said.

"You say that a lot, grandfather.", Padarn answered.

"In those days it was easy to get some proper British food, like garum, Cilician and Cypriot wine, olives, kippers and lemons, not these horrendous newfangled European bangers the Anglo-Saxons try to introduce. I haven't eaten proper British olives in years!"

"I think bangers are delicious, if you fry them together with kippers and some black pudding for breakfast. They would probably be even better with some fried vegetables, but I don't think turnips make the cut."

"I wouldn't even touch bangers with a spear. Without knowing it, next time we would be sitting there celebrating a Saxon October-fest."

"I think October-fest sounds nice, grandfather. It's not food I'm worried about."

"Which reminds me of the growing problem of binge-drinking youth. We never had any binge-drinking youth when I was young, as far as I can remember. If we enforce some stern legislation against anti-social behaviour in all kingdoms of Britain, binge-drinking will probably have turned extinct by 550 AD. It's only a fad."

"Now when I think of it, I haven't seen many kippers in the last few years."

They fell silent and gazed into the open fire. The Chieftain had lost his sons at the battle of Camlann, but his grandson Padarn was expected to succeed him. They were sitting inside their Romano-British villa, an old mosaic decorating the floor. The flickering light from the open fire caused the birds depicted in the mosaic to seemingly fly.

"There's something wrong with the plumbing again, Grandpa. We have to use the outhouse. Do you really think it was a good idea to let the plumbers from Tuscany leave? The aqueducts are not working properly anymore, and something has happened to the leadpipes."

"We had to leave the Roman Empire, trail our own path in the world, and take back control of our borders. Do you question the wise decisions of King Maelgwn of Gwynedd?"

"Well, he didn't manage the plague particularly well, did he? We might see a second wave, soon. And speaking of borders, do you call it controlling our borders to sell Cantiacum to the Jutes, Essex to the East-Saxons and Sussex to the South-Saxons? King Caradoc invited Jutes to Isle of Wight! If it continues like this, we will soon see the Kingdoms of Nossex, Middlesex, and Nessex as well. Under Bozza, King of the Jutes, Cantiacum has been turned into a parking-lot for horse-carriages. That's appeasement policy. Soon we will all speak English."

"Rubbish. Everyone speak Welsh and Latin in Britain, and nothing will ever change that simple and obvious fact. And my boy, don't ever use the word 'appeasement' when the King's advisors are around. They are terribly sensitive to that particular choice of word, for a lot of reasons."

"I just think, that we would have been better equipped to withstand any English attempts to inroads into Britain, if the Roman legions had remained."

"Nonsense, boy. Project Fear! Nothing to worry about! Everything will be fine."

"Grandpa! The English have conquered the lands of the Iceni. What would Boudicca have done, if she'd been alive?"

"Well, ehrrr, now when you put it that way, young lad, it's actually a very good argument. Turning the Icenian parts of Britain into that fake East Anglia nonsense is indeed an infelicitous development. Not proper at all, I say. A breach of nice old traditions, I say. I will mention the subject matter to the King next time I meet him, and advice him to discuss the matter when all British Kings meet in council, that is, if Vortiporius and Aurelius Conan turn up. I've heard, that Irish pirates have raided St. David's again."

"What if the British kingdoms united with the Irish in order to turn the English tide?"

"Nonsense. The Irish are our hereditary foe. Did Bendigeidfran then steal the magic cauldron from the Irish for nothing? We have nothing in common."

"We both speak Celtic languages?"

"Well, uhm."

"We both have a cattle-based economy?"

"Uh, well, but ..."

"Since the last few generations the Irish are Christians, and so are we, while the English sacrifice to Woden and Thunor ..."

"Well, yes, but ..."

"Traditional poetry is held in esteem both among Welsh-speakers and the Irish ..."

"But you can't ..."

"The only difference I am able to recollect, is the fact, that we were integrated into the Empire for quite a while, and the Irish were not."

"There you see. As I said: We have nothing in common."

A servant entered the room.

"There is a messenger to see you, Mylord."

"A messenger?"

"A messenger from King Maelgwn."

"Oh goodness gracious. Tell him, that I'll see him soon in the atrium. Quick, Padarn, help me to my quarters. I have to put my toga on."

* * *

Since it was after sunset, the atrium laid in darkness, with the exception of the flames of a few wax-candles. Padarn hoped, that the messenger wouldn't notice Grandpa's plaid trousers under the toga. The messenger was a pale, dark-haired man, wearing a foot-length robe in a fashionable Byzantine cut, but it was entirely black, which was unusual. Byzantine robes were usually quite colourful in several senses of the word.

"Ave, messenger, I am Cunedda, Chieftain of this village."

"Ave, Mylord, I am Blackadda, adviser of Maelgwn, king of Gwynedd."

"And how may I be of assistance?"

"To be blunt, I've been sent to ask certain questions, on behalf of the King."

"Please, go on."

"Have there been any observations recently of subaquatic supernatural female arms-dealers in these local whereabouts?"

"There haven't."

"What a disappointment. That was on the top of my little list, but we have to go for the other alternatives, then."

"Alternatives?"

"Yes, King Maelgwn and his colleagues are considering any tactical advantage they might have, if the British-English tensions escalate further. Did you hear, that Londinium is under siege from the Essex army?"

"Good heavens! There must be something we can do?"

"Well, the next question on my little list, Mylord, is, if there have been any observations of part-time working minor goddesses of fate sitting under trees by cross-roads accosting knights?"

"No, sorry."

"Thirdly, have any Questing Beasts been observed in the area recently?"

"I'm sorry to disappoint you. The last one was captured by a Saracen knight briefly before the disappearance of King Arthur into Avalon, and it died in the private zoo of a wealthy Sarmatian merchant two years later."

"Well, I see, and fourthly, I wonder if there are any druids left in the region of Anglesey?"

"How dare you! There haven't been any druids in Ynys Môn since Gaius Suetonius Paulinus killed them off, and as long as I am Chieftain of Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogo­goch, there will be no druids here either."

"How disappointing. I wonder then, if there are any bards in this region?"

"Bards, yes of course. Why?"

"Very well. If somebody could introduce me to the bards tomorrow, I will interview them. It's late."

* * *

Since I now have learned how to edit, I'm able to tell you, that the second part of this story is found: HERE.

Edited by Hialmar
minor historical and linguistic details, added link
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1 hour ago, Hialmar said:

"How dare you! There haven't been any druids in Ynys Môn since Gaius Suetonius Paulinus killed them off, and as long as I am Chieftain of Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogo­goch, there will be no druids here either."

 

Always love the details you add, but gotta admit you got me here 😆

Can't wait to see the next chapter!

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Most Americans won't get your reference to the development of the Proper English Breakfast but I appreciate it. And Black Adder. And that they discuss sixth-century problems using twenty-first-century concepts & terms.

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1 hour ago, aitchbee said:

Most Americans won't get your reference to the development of the Proper English Breakfast but I appreciate it. And Black Adder. And that they discuss sixth-century problems using twenty-first-century concepts & terms.

I expect different readers to read stories like this one in different ways. This one has several levels.

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