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m/m Saving Me - Chapter 7 Posted (09/16/2020)


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Chapter 5 - A Compound in One   Rian lay eyes wide open in the cool darkness of his bedroom.  He rolled toward his nightstand and stared at the clock.  The muted red-orange numbers glowed 4:

*Trigger Warning - This chapter has references to depression and  teen suicide* Chapter 2 - A Promise Made Farm towns are unique places in 21st century America.  Even though houses can be m

Chapter 3 - "By Small and Simple Things"   Dylen was surrounded by light.  He shivered with feelings he never imagined possible.  Raw, unbridled passions coursed through his body.  Powerfull


So beautifully written, but gut wrenching. No one should ever feel ashamed to love someone.  Thank you for sharing this story with everyone.  I understand Dylan and your troubles all too well.  Stay strong. God doesn't make mistakes; we are not mistakes or abominations. 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

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Chapter 7 - Marvels and Wonders


Rian was covered in sweat as he trotted up to his apartment.  He reached into the pocket of his running shorts, grabbed his key, and pushed it into the lock.  He usually felt a sense of accomplishment after running, even though he had jogged many thousands of miles in the last seven years.  But, tonight was different.  His usually inexhaustible energy was drained.  He felt emotionally empty, convinced that he left the best part of himself worlds away from here, back on that country driveway.


He almost never ran in the evenings, but anything was better than sitting here alone, waiting.  It was only a quick fix, though.  As he turned the door knob and entered his apartment, the nightmarish pall of the last week descended on him again.  'Maybe,' he thought, 'it never really left.'  Here he was again, in this solitary . . . quiet . . . place.  Alone.  He wandered to the living room table and collected his cell phone.  He called and ordered a pizza delivered, since he really didn't feel like cooking. But, that was the easy call.


As he had done more times than he could count in recent days, he pulled up the first memory slot on his phone and pressed call.  There was not even a ring.  Just a recording of the voice he longed to hear.  "Hi.  This is Dylen.  Leave a Message."


A tone began to sound, but Rian was already hanging up the phone.  Nothing. Nothing was all that ever happened.  Just as nothing happened the first time he tried Dylen's cell Tuesday morning.  Part of Rian was strangely relived whenever he got the recording.  If Dylen actually picked up the phone, he wasn't really sure what he should say.  But, every time he put the phone down, he felt the one chance he had for love slipping further away.  Worst of all - worse than the loneliness, worse than the gloom - was the silence of being alone.  The silence gutted him.  Brock told him over and over again when they talked about coming out that the worst kind of hell was being alone in the dark.  Rian had never really been alone in his life; so, he never understood.  Now, six months later, standing here, he knew just how right Brock was.  If what he was feeling was anything like what Brock felt in those final days, Rian could understand how tempting ending the pain could be.


Rian slowly made his way to his bathroom, took a quick shower to wash off the odor of sweat, and changed into an old pair of shorts and a tank top. Then, he dropped in a heap onto the couch.  His hibernating laptop was still open.  He grabbed it, and the machine awakened at his touch.




June 27, 2004


It's been a full week now.  Seven days since I've heard anything from Dylen.  I call his cell at least 20 times a day it seems, but all that ever happens is that I get dumped directly to his voicemail.  I left messages for the first few days, but I can't tell if he listened any of them.  He's either turned his phone off, or he's blocked me.


As damnably awful as I feel, I can't help believing it's all a little ironic.  I was just thinking about how hellish this feeling of alone can be.  Just hanging here, waiting on some word from him.  A word that may never come.  Is this what I put Brock through?  He called and called.  He left messages, and I never returned them.  Is this karma or justice, to give me everything I could hope for, the perfect man to love and the chance at redemption, and to then just snatch them away?  Is this the work of the vengeful God Dylen and Brock's families believe in?  Is He sitting somewhere laughing at me?  Is this His way of taunting me?


If it is, that Monster couldn't have found a better way.  I haven't heard Dylen, seen him, felt him, for so long.  And every day that goes by, it's like I'm obsessed with Dylen more and more.  I see him everywhere.  I can't go to the gym without seeing his spectre, so eager to learn, so alluring as I watch him.  And then, when I realize he's not with me, it drains all the life out of me.


But what hurts the most is missing his taste, that wonderful kiss in the cabin.  It seems so damned odd that this time last week, Dylen and I shared that kiss.  It's like it was a lifetime ago, not seven days.  But, I can relieve every microsecond in exact detail.  We were both so sad, but so happy at the same time.  Everything, all out true feelings, were so clear. Sometimes, in the worst moments -- when I wake up from dreaming about him -- I think that maybe it's just in my head that he has feelings for me, but then I remember the kiss.  My God.  I've never felt anything like that ever.  It's so hard to even describe it.  It's like he plugged into my soul, found every pain, every bad thing, and smothered it in joy.  Feeling him as I pulled his body into mine was like grabbing onto happiness itself. I know I've never felt that kind of desire before.  But at the same time it felt so familiar.  Like we were destined to find each other, like we were built, from the day we were conceived, to find happiness in each other's arms.  I know he felt it too.  It was so obvious we both wanted it, needed it, more than anything.  The prospect of never feeling that again rips me apart.  Without him with me, there just doesn't seem to be any point in doing anything anymore.


What did I do wrong?  Was I wrong to tell him about me this soon?  I promised that I wouldn't push him, that I wouldn't add to his pain, but did I?  Maybe if I had been slower, given him more of a chance to adjust, things would have been better.  But, what if I hurt him just by trying to help him?  Am I wrong to love him the way I do?  This hurts so much, thinking about him -- alone, just like I am.  I want to make it all go away.  I can't help but love him.  I see in him everything I wish I could be.  The character, the concern for others, the drive to excel, the love. Life feels so hollow without him.  I so want to feel him next to me.  I want to share everything with him.  But, does he want me?  He said he did, but is that enough to overcome this thing that haunts him?


I did something yesterday.  I needed someone to talk to. I just hope I haven't made another mistake.  I talked to mom, and I told her everything. I mean, I knew she knew from graduation how I felt.  I didn't think there was much harm in talking to her.  I guess I was surprised how plugged into Dylen she is.  I shouldn't be, though.  She had me pegged before I knew myself.  I must have been a sight to see, a blubbering mess like that. Still, it felt good to let this out to someone, and I know she'll never tell unless I say it's okay.  She listened to every word, and it's like she knew this was coming.  I hope it's not just mom trying to make me feel better, but she told me Dylen would come around.  She reminded me of how coming out to them had scared me for so long.  She said I was right not to go back to his house or call the home phone.  She told me that Dylen faced everything I faced and more.  She also told me a little more about Dylen's family's beliefs (I never knew one of Mom's sorority sisters was Mormon). I can't believe that they'd go so far.  Don't they know that Dylen is the same person they always knew and loved?  Coming out doesn't change who he is, but I guess they don't see it that way.  Mom said love will win out in the end, but do I really believe that?  Could I have the courage to face what Mom said he was facing?  What if Dylen never speaks to me again?  I don't think I can face life without him, but I have to, don't I?


I guess Mom's right.  Dylen loves me.  I have to hold onto that.


Why do I have to love someone this much?  Why does it have to feel so good?  Why does it have to hurt so much?"




There was a quiet knock at the apartment door.  Rian looked up at the clock; thirty minutes had already passed.  Rian got a couple of ten's from his wallet and opened the door.  A young teen delivery boy was fumbling with a red bag.  After the typical moment of gawking Rian hardly noticed anymore, the usual routine of paying and tipping took place.  Rian thanked the kid and closed the door as he started to walk away.  He made his way to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water out of the refrigerator when the same small knock sounded.  Rian didn't see anything the delivery guy missed.  'I wonder what he forgot,' he thought as he returned to re-answer the door.




An early cooling breeze rustled through the alfalfa field, cooling Dylen's darkened, sweat-soaked brow.  He looked up to see that the sun had moved far past its midday zenith.  Dylen glanced at his watch to see it was after 4 o'clock.  He'd been out over 12 hours now, and he decided to call it a day.  He found his dad working on a broken irrigation pump.  Dylen told him he'd finished everything else that needed to be done, and was heading for a shower.  Paul Mason patted his son on the back and thanked him again for his help.


Paul watched as his son ambled toward the house.  The newly confident stride and look were gone.  In fact, Dylen looked as if the weight of the whole earth were on his shoulders.  Paul's instincts told him that whatever was going on in his son's life was finally coming to a head.  He knew Dylen's preoccupied look well enough, and he'd been virtually silent since he'd gotten home from his trip with Rian.  All Dylen had done this past week, other than stay by himself in his room, was spend the last several days working around the farm.  Paul didn't understand why Dylen came back to something he knew his son didn't like; but, he resisted the urge to ask. Kathi kept saying trust your son.  He'd done nothing to violate that trust, and his son was a man now, an Elder.  He'd be going off to college and a mission soon.  Kathi was right.  Even Rian was giving him space.  But, Paul was confident in one thing.  His son had grown into one of the best men he'd ever known.  He would never do anything to hurt the people he loved.




Dylen slowly climbed the stairs and turned off the hallway into his room. He closed the door and immediately walked over to his desk.  He picked up his cell phone and pressed a button, turning it on.  As soon as it connected to the network, he saw four more missed calls.  He didn't need to look to see who they were from, but he did so just to be safe.  Just as he thought, they were from Rian.  He stared at the number for a moment, feeling his heart pull him to return the calls.  But he couldn't.  Dylen sighed and pushed the off button.  He put the phone back on the desk with his wallet.


Dylen pulled off his dirty, smelly clothes and made his way to the bathroom.  He stood motionless under the steaming streamlets pouring out of the shower head.  He had wrestled with this for days.  No, he knew he wasn't wrestling.  Some part of him understood he was running.  The question was what was he running from - from destiny, from inevitability, from right or wrong?  Whatever it was, something in that early afternoon breeze told him now was the time.  The time he'd both feared and strangely anticipated for months and years was here.  He couldn't put it off any longer.  Whatever he was doing by his paralysis, he knew he was hurting Rian.  The silence, the loneliness was something he wouldn't wish on anyone, especially the man he loved.  He must choose.  He must end this.


Dylen grabbed the soap and started a thick lather across his chest and arms.  As he did, he felt in his mind Rian's fingers touching him again. He felt the absolute safety and contentment he'd known nowhere else. He tasted Rian's kiss, the pungent saltiness of his sweat, and the cleansing clarity of his mouth.  He felt himself getting hard.  It happened every time he thought of Rian now, and Dylen couldn't remember a second in the last week when Rian wasn't on his mind.  He'd tried to do the Mormon thing. He tried so hard to forget what happened, to lock Rian and his feelings away somewhere in a private box in his heart.  He ran back to his old life before he discovered his sexuality.  He helped around the farm, prayed morning and night, read his scriptures.  He pled with God to help him forget.  But, he couldn't.  Rian was everywhere.  Rian changed everything about him, from exercise to eating to his very reflection.  No matter what he did -- no matter how radically he tried to divorce himself from his memories -- he always came back to that feeling of flying, to the taste and smell of the man he wanted so badly.


Dylen turned off the water and reached for a towel.  He blotted his face and watched himself in the mirror as he dried.  It was time to be honest with himself.  What he felt in the shower just a moment ago was no different than what he felt as he ran away from Rian's car.  He didn't want to forget Rian.  He didn't want to forget his feelings.  He wanted to hold on to them.  He wanted to revel in them.  He wanted to feel that way again. He could never rid himself of the questions that always brought Rian back: 


How can someone who has done so much good for me be bad?  


Can something that feels this good, this right, be evil?


Dylen wandered back into his room and collapsed naked on his bed.  He knew Rian loved him -- a pure, unqualified love that he thought was the stuff of fairy tales.  Every sense he possessed drown in it when they were together. Rian shared the most intimate part of his life and offered him his heart. And what had he done?  He'd thrown it down and ran away.  He felt like crying out in frustration and grief.  He wanted to find a quiet place to yell out his torture to the universe.  Why couldn't he see a way out of this?


It was at that moment when it happened.  For the rest of his life, Dylen would never be able to explain it, to quantify it, to adequately describe the instant when the truth finally took him.  He got up and was about to dress for dinner when he felt something draw his gaze.  Almost the faintest whisper of a hand under his chin guided his eyes up.  His head turned to see two of the pictures around his desk.  One was the portrait of three old men, the leaders of the Mormon Church, the prophet and his counselors. That picture, or a similar one, had hung in his room since his birth.  The other was a picture that had been there only a few weeks.  Rian's mom took it on graduation day.  Those pictures were two worlds, neither one could accept the other.  He had to choose one and sacrifice the other.  Dylen closed his eyes and took a long breath.  In his heart, he knew he'd already chosen.  All that was left was to accept it.  He focused on the pictures. All the old men seemed to do was accuse him, condemn him, command him to reject his feelings.  The other was filled with happiness and unconditional love.  As he stared at himself in his graduation garb, seeing Rian draped over his shoulder, he could hear the words he used in his speech -- the words from the May's gym -- repeating over and over.  'Gnothi Seauton.'  In that moment, as he listened and watched, Dylen felt something new come over him - a peace he'd almost forgotten.  It was the peace of accepting a choice that was never really a choice at all.  Yes, he knew who he was, what he was.  And he was tired of running.  But, it was more than simply resignation and surrender to the truth that he felt.  He saw in the picture all his feelings, all his hopes, all his love.  Dylen knew in that moment that no matter what the old men could throw at him, no matter how they twisted his family to do terrible things, the simple purity of Rian's love would be enough to weather the storm.


Depression transmuted into hope.  Dylen returned to his closet.  He picked out a different set of clothes.  He finished dressing and grooming himself in the very best way he could.  He walked over to his desk and picked up his phone and car keys.  He felt the eyes of the old men, the eyes of his family, and the weight of the hands on his head once more.  But, now their power was breaking.  Dylen reached up to the wall and took down the photograph of the old men.  It was time to stop living for his dead ancestors, living for his parents, living for the Church he doubted.  


'For the first time in my life, it's time to live for me.'  


Dylen crossed the threshold of his bedroom and entered a new life.  It was uncharted territory, a thorny path, but it was his.  As he entered the unknown, he had only one assurance to guide him.  He knew who he was, and he knew Rian loved him.  It was time to embrace himself.  It was time to live.




Lacy made her way to the front door.  With nothing but farms around, getting an actual unexpected knock was always a mystery the deprived hostess in her treasured.  She turned the door knob and pulled.  She was surprised, but not entirely shocked, to see Dylen standing in the doorway. After what her son told her, she'd hoped Dylen would come to the right decision.  If she were any judge of character, the impeccably handsome young man standing in front of her had.


"Ah.  Hi, Mrs. May.  Is Rian around?"  Dylen asked.  His voice gave away how nervous he was, but Lacy could easily sense an air of relief around him.


"I'm sorry, hon.  He's at his apartment in Boulder.  Can I help you with something?"


"Ah . . . I just need to talk to him.  I guess I was really sort of harsh to him when he brought me home last week.  I feel really bad about it, and I'd rather apologize in person."


"Oh," Lacy said, never divulging what she knew.  "Well, as far as I know, he hadn't planned on coming back here this week.  I'll let him know that you came by when I see him, though."  To this revelation, Dylen looked crestfallen.  Lacy started to say goodbye and close the door; but, then stopped.  She couldn't let it end this way, for both her son's sakes. "Come in a second, Dylen.  Let me give you something."


Dylen entered the foyer and stood while Lacy got a pen and paper from a nearby hallway desk.  She quickly scribbled down something and handed it to Dylen.  Dylen glanced down and saw that an address and directions were written on it.  He looked up confused, but was met with a knowing gaze from Lacy.  Lacy came up and gave him a motherly kiss on the cheek.  'She knows,' Dylen thought, and he was gladdened when he realized that it didn't bother him.  In fact, she was smiling and that could only mean that she approved of what was happening.  Dylen felt bolstered again.  He'd been accepted, not just by Rian, but by someone he'd come to think of as a second mother.


Dylen's practiced emotional barrier broke as he understood what Rian's mom was doing.  Lacy saw it but was just as cool in her response as she was earlier.  "Do you know your way around Boulder?" she asked.


"Not very well.  I can get to the university but that's about all."


"That's fine, you won't have any problems finding Rian's apartment.  I think he'll be happy to see you.  And, Dylen, I won't say a word."  Dylen understood the duel meaning of that final remark.  Lacy wouldn't tell Rian, and she wouldn't say anything to anyone until he was ready.  Dylen's air of nervous excitement was instantly restored.  The two shared a quick goodbye, and Dylen was away.  Lacy closed the door.  She smiled to herself.  Her son couldn't have found a better man.  She could hardly wait for the time when she could say that openly.


Dylen hopped in his car and started down the long road to Boulder.  After a few minutes thought, he came up with a perfect thing to tell his parents. He phoned and his mom answered.  She seemed very happy with the reason Dylen was going to Boulder.  She'd encouraged him to do it weeks ago. Mother and son said goodbye, and Dylen hung up.  He hated to lie to them again, but he could only handle one thing at a time.  There was someone much more important that he had to tell first.  As he sped down the road, Dylen's anticipation ate at him as much as his doubts did earlier.




Rian walked up to the door and absentmindedly turned the knob.  He pulled back and began to greet the delivery guy again.  But, as soon as he laid eyes on the person standing in front of him, Rian just stopped.  His hand dropped away from the door and hung without direction at his side.  It seemed to take years for his brain to comprehend what he was seeing and to decide that he wasn't dreaming again.  


Dylen's head was turned up slightly, but his eyes were looking all over Rian's frame, as if he were having the same reaction.  As he stared, Rian couldn't fully gather how gorgeous Dylen looked.  His mind flooded with the one word questions that held his future, 'How?  What?  Why?'


They stood silently gazing at each other until Dylen broke the silence. "Hi.  Ah . . . I hope you don't mind, but I got your address from your mom. I need to talk you now, and I had to do it in person."  Rian tried to gauge what was coming from Dylen's demeanor, but his attempts bounced off Dylen's emotional barrier.  Whatever he was here to say, Dylen was keeping it tightly shielded.  Fear began to pierce Rian's initial shock when he thought of what that might mean.


Rian managed a quietly nervous, "Come in."  Dylen passed through the doorway and entered the large common room.  He glanced around as Rian led him toward a couch.  Most of what he could see was decorated in the minimal, clean style that seemed like Rian's signature.  Though he'd never been here before, it was strangely familiar.  Dylen felt like he'd come home.  But, he contained his excitement.  After all that Dylen put him through, he wasn't exactly sure what Rian's reaction would be to his decision.


The two young men sat down together on Rian's plush, off-white couch.  Rian immediately noticed that Dylen was farther away from him than he once would have been.  That scared him even more.  Again, there was another awkward silence between them as Dylen tried to compose his words.  


Finally, he looked deeply into Rian's eyes.  Dylen's were soft and introspective, gazing into his own soul as much as they were looking at Rian.  "I'm so sorry I did what I did.  I had no right to leave you in the lurch like that, and I hope that you'll be able to forgive me."  Rian began to open his mouth to say something, when Dylen stopped him.  "Please.  I need to say this."  Rian stopped and waited for Dylen to continue.  "It's just that I was so scared.  I guess I still am in a way, but I've gotta do this.


"You've done so much for me - so many things that I have a hard time even counting them all.  It seems like I'm still finding new ones every day.  No one's . . ." Dylen sniffed, trying, but finally failing, to hide his own emotions.  "No one has known about me until now.  You are the first person to know that I'm . . . gay.  From my first memories as a kid, I was told the way I was supposed to live.  That I was a special kid from a special generation.  That I was going to make a difference to the whole world. That I had a place in heaven.  That one day I could be like God himself.  I thought I had my whole eternity planned out and then . . . then, it was all gone."


A tear of pain trickled down Dylen's cheek, "I started to learn that everything I expected out of life wasn't going to happen, and that scared me to death.  I wasn't special anymore.  I was an abomination.  I was cursed, and I couldn't figure out why or how it happened.  I wasn't going to make a difference.  I was going to be cast out of heaven, cut off from the only reason I was created.  I wasn't going to be like God.  I was a waste of His time.  I was going to spend a long, long time in Hell for something that I couldn't stop or couldn't even explain."


Rian didn't understand everything he was hearing, but he understood the emotion well enough.  He and Dylen were sharing something, the horrible wrenching and tearing of sacrificing your greatest secret to another.  "You don't know what its like to be a Mormon and gay.  I'm glad you never will. I've put this off for so long, but I can't do that anymore.  I won't let fear rule me anymore.  I won't live for something that's wrong.  And, I can't leave things they way I did the last time I saw you.  I know now that I can't be Mormon and gay at the same time.  And I hope that I haven't destroyed something wonderful because I was afraid."  Dylen slid close to Rian and took his vein-covered hand in his own.  "There was never anything to choose.  You said you loved me.  I hope that you still can because I love you, Rian.  I think I always have."


Even though these were the words he'd been aching to hear, Rian still could quite escape the feeling that somehow this was all a dream -- that in a moment, he'd wake up, alone again.  Dylen squeezed Rian's hand, and he finally seemed to come out of it.  This was real.  After all the dreams about this moment, now was finally real.  Rian flew toward Dylen, but Dylen beat him to it.  They hungrily embraced each other, and their lips found again the home they so wanted to return to.  Their first kiss in the cabin had been tentative, but this one was different.  Both of them had released their secrets and their guilt, sacrificing them on the altar of their mutual love.  Their tongues penetrated each others mouths and entered a twisting embrace of their own. Each pulled the other so tightly into themselves that they could barely breathe.


Rian's hands went down Dylen's back and slid under his shirt, pulling it up from its formerly tucked position. His slightly calloused skin, made rough from years of lifting bars and dumbbells, roamed over the soft skin and hardening muscles of Dylen's back.  Then, Rian released the crushing hold he had on Dylen just enough so that his hand could move to the fine hair and skin of Dylen's abdomen.  Rian groaned in release as he felt the tight, flat muscles of Dylen's stomach and knew that they were his at last.


Dylen's hands were also sliding under Rian's tank top.  He ravaged Rian's corrugated abs, feeling their impenetrable strength, assuring himself that this power would always love him. Then, his hands roved to Rian's huge pecs.  Rian instinctively flexed them, and Dylen abandoned himself to his newly embraced feelings.  All Dylen wanted was to giveback to Rian as much as he was feeling now, locked in Rian's kiss and the euphoric touch of his fingers.  Dylen's fingers found Rian's nipples.  They seemed to stretch the whole width of his thumb, jutting out from the dense muscle and raised stubble of Rian's recently shaved skin.  Dylen remembered how much Rian's touching him here affected him; so, he returned the favor.  He pressed his thumbs into them and started rubbing.  Despite being well engaged in their voracious kissing, this new sensation from the most sensitive part of his body caused Rian to sharply inhale and a slow, growling moan thrummed inside his chest.


The caresses of Dylen's thumbs turned on something in Rian that he'd nearly forgotten was there.  It had been so long since he could truly love someone that finally feeling it again drove him into a frenzy.  This was going so fast, but he didn't care anymore.  Neither of them did.  The desires they contained for so long were finally unbridled, free to move where they would.  Rian's exploring hand moved from Dylen's abdomen to his crotch, and he began to unbutton Dylen's pants.  The fingers worked nimbly and within a couple of seconds, Rian accessed what he desired since that night in Bryce. He plunged his hand inside, taking hold of Dylen's ample cock and balls. At first his hand began to massage them while still sheathed in the soft cotton of Dylen's boxers.  Dylen was now harder than he'd ever been as Rian's fingers felt the organ jump to Dylen's racing heartbeat.


Still kissing, Rian leaned forward and guided their love-fused form to a prone position on the couch.  Rian's mouth moved down, nibbling and kissing Dylen's neck.  Then, his hand shoved inside Dylen's underwear.  Rian was pleased to feel Dylen's whole body shudder as he worked more intently. Dylen was almost panting as sexual energy filled him to overflowing.  For the first time in his life the analyst, the tremendous intellect he had, turned off.  All he knew, all he cared about, were the heavenly feelings Rian was bringing out.  Between quick breaths, Dylen managed a sex hazed, "Oh God."  Rian felt his fingers dampen with pre-cum, which only made him increase his already feverish work.  The hardness of Rian's body, the writhing muscles Dylen's hands rapturously felt, the sight and smell of his lover, the powerful kisses, Rian's perfect hand stroking him - when they all came together, it was only seconds before Dylen could hold back no more.  He exploded in orgasm.  He came and came and came.  Later, Dylen couldn't believe his balls could churn out so much as what resulted from those first few moments.


Rian kept up the kneading and pulling until he felt Dylen's shudders slow and his cock soften a little.  Rian came up from Dylen's neck and thrust his tongue deeply into Dylen's mouth again.  Dylen allowed Rian to explore and make love to every corner of his mouth before they finally broke their embrace.  Rian rose up on his arms and looked down into Dylen's glowing face.  Dylen looked up into Rian's.  Dylen's eyes pled the words as he said them aloud.  "Don't stop."


Rian smiled a smile so sweet that Dylen instantly recovered, getting hard again.  He pulled off his tank top, revealing to Dylen his fabulously carved upper body.  Rian reached down and practically ripped the shirt off Dylen's torso.  He bent down again, covering Dylen's small exposed body with his own.  He had no intensions of stopping.  They had all night.




Rian internal alarm woke him.  He raised himself slightly so that he could read his clock.  It was just before 6 am.  He resettled himself under the covers.  He took a gentle, contented breath as he felt the naked form of Dylen hemmed tightly against his chest.  Rian lay for a few minutes, totally at peace, as he felt the rhythmic rise and fall of Dylen's breathing under him.  He slowly, lightly slid an arm around Dylen's chest. In response, Dylen unconsciously snuggled closer into Rian's much larger form.


Rian thought back on what he's just experienced a few short hours before. He'd had sex before with both men and women.  The girls were empty, nothing but other people's expectations.  But he'd been so passionate with Brock. He thought no one else could ever make him feel the way Brock did.  But, he was totally unprepared for what he experienced last night.  He never thought he could feel anything like what he and Dylen shared.  Ever.  They lost all sense of time, of the outside world; all that was important to them was each other, their soaring feelings, their exploring hands and lips.  Neither of them seemed to be able to get enough of the other.  They fed off of each other's rising emotions, and, in turn, their passion grew hotter and hotter.  Things went further than Rian planned on the couch, a lot further than he did his first night with another man.  Maybe it was because he had some experience to guide them, unlike his first time.  But, he knew the real reason was just getting the chance to finally merge with his soul mate.


Dylen even asked Rian to fuck him.  Rian wanted to, more than anything.  He was dying to feel that ultimate union, but he said no.  They'd done so much that felt so good.  Even though Dylen caught on to most everything Rian showed him (in fact, Rian thought he was a natural), he knew Dylen had no idea what he was asking.  He remembered how painful it had been his first time, how unprepared he was when he and Brock stumbled through it.  He saw the same look in Dylen's face as Brock had that night.  Everything was so perfect Rian wouldn't dream of causing any pain to Dylen, even if it meant getting what they both wanted.  He knew there would be other perfect nights when they would cross that frontier.  For now, just being together, just knowing that Dylen was his forever, was enough.


Rian turned his head down his pillow and smelled of Dylen's hair.  He found an odor of soap, sweat, and sex.  His cock stirred again, and, as if on cue, he heard a soft draw of breath as Dylen awoke.  Dylen slowly rotated in Rian's arms, trying to stay as close to Rian's hard body as he could. Dylen's first thought upon seeing and feeling himself in Rian's bed again was that he was madly, hopelessly, in love with this man.  With the power of this love, he really could overcome anything.  Dylen looked up into Rian's face and they kissed briefly.


"Good Morning, Sunshine."  Rian cooed.


"Good Morning," Dylen softly replied, nuzzling his head onto Rian's chest. Rian gently kissed Dylen on the forehead.  The sun was rising.  Dylen needed to leave for home, but neither of them wanted to lose a second of their lives together.  If they could, they would have gladly spent the rest of their lives locked in this bed.  Rian entwined his thick, heavy legs around and through Dylen's.  Dylen again marveled at the weight of them pressing down and through him.  They felt each other's hard-ons as their waists touched, but the dampener of the clock was working against them.


Dylen sighed in pain to even have to think what he was going to say.  "I've gotta go.  I told my parents you were gonna show me around campus at night, learn the safe places and stuff.  I promised them I'd be back early this morning . . ." Dylen stopped and lost control of his emotions.  He came forward and kissed Rian's chest at deep valley between his pecs.  "God, I'm gonna miss you."


Rian's arms pulled Dylen's head and chest into a mammoth, smothering, bear hug.  He was as pained at having to part as Dylen was.  "I love you so much.  Don't ever leave me."  Rian's rich baritone whispered.  They stayed tightly clutching each other, time stopping for them again.  Finally, Rian relaxed his arms and was going to give Dylen a parting kiss when he saw the look in Dylen's face.  The worry, the fear of going home, was apparent.  It was a look Rian knew too well.  Bonded as they were, Rian could almost read Dylen's thoughts.  Could he hide what he'd done until he was ready to tell? What if they found out in the wrong way?  Would that even matter?  In his own way, Rian felt the same thing.  From what his mother told him, Dylen had every right to worry.  Dylen had chosen him over everything else in his life, and Rian was determined never to let go, never to allow anyone or anything to come between them.  Dylen was so good, so perfect, so innocent, that he would fight the whole world to protect him.  But, what was this going to cost Dylen?  Could he really protect Dylen from something he didn't understand?


Rian's thoughts spilled out into the open.  There was no reason for them to keep secrets from each other anymore.  "What's going to happen to you?" Rian asked as he lightly stroked Dylen's back, causing a few shivered goose bumps to break out on Dylen.


Dylen's defenses automatically came up; but, for the first time, he was not protecting himself.  He was trying to defend Rian.  That was the one question he didn't want to think about that.  Not now.  Not where he was safe from what was surely going to come.  He wanted to shield Rian from it. Dylen made his decision alone, and he thought he should face it like a man, alone.  Rian said again quietly, "Please.  Please, let me help you."


Dylen's defenses were tempered by Rian's plea.  He knew, whatever came, he could always trust Rian.  He was right when he looked into that picture on his desk last night.  No matter the pain and the cruelty of what he would face, this feeling of total love, total acceptance -- beyond anything he thought a person could feel -- was worth it all.  "You've already done more than you'll ever know.  When they find out, it's gonna get really nasty. You don't know the lengths some . . . some of our parents in the Church will go to stop us.  And I know mine will do whatever they think they can. I've gotta face this, and you can't be with me for most of it.  I just don't want to be alone anymore.  No matter what happens, I can face it if you're with me."


'How could anyone be so cruel as to try to hurt someone like Dylen?' Rian thought.  He resolved at that moment that anyone who tried would have to carry him off in chains before he'd let them. Rian's voice became strong and protective.  "You will never be alone.  I promise you."  They pulled close again.  Rian's lips pressed into Dylen's ear.  "You will never be alone."  They kissed deeply.  They both thought and felt the same thing at the same time.  There was always time for love, clocks and expectations be damned.  Dylen dove under the covers, making for Rian's cock.  He grazed his tongue over it, just as he'd learned last night.  Rian trembled as the sensations dulled by sleep were sharply focused again.  Dylen smiled as he felt it.  As they involved themselves again in love-making, they were secure in the knowledge that they would never lose each other.  The hell of loneliness had lost its grip on them.  They would never allow it to grip them again.

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  • GymPredator changed the title to Saving Me - Chapter 7 Posted (09/16/2020)

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