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muscledrain

Catfishing

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Oh, muscledrain, I am so sorry that you went through this.  I've never been catfished myself, mainly because I'm too shy and reticent to reach out romantically to guys even online.  Know this, I you shouldn't feel too down on yourself, because I bet your abuser (that's what he is) has probably done this many times and knows what buttons to push.  Predators tend to know what to do and how to seek out their prey.  

Heck, I try to make it clear to people that even my username is aspirational and not descriptive at current when it comes to muscle. And the "boy" part of it might have applied when I started using it over 20 years ago...  I didn't think that through long term, lol. So, the only fitting part currently is that I reside in Kentucky and will always be from here. 

I can relate to you at least as to feeling like I've felt far short of my life's career and relationship goals.  However, I'm a couple of years older than you, and I still refuse to give up hope, even though I have my moments of feeling like I've wasted my life. You have been making great progress on your physique and already have a great body, especially knowing now that you're 40 and not some lucky 20 year old who can look at a weight and get fit. 

I hope that after taking a (hopefully short) break you will start to feel better and realize your worth. 

On a side note, my best friend who is also 46 (ugh, where did the time go) just found his love and first long term relationship within the last year, and his boyfriend is a few years older.  So, it is definitely not too late. This seems like a crazy idea, but with your history of living overseas, maybe apply to be a flight attendant (I know what a stereotypical job). That's what my buddy did, and he meets people from all over, and with the flight benefits, he can see someone across the country as easily as seeing someone a short drive away.

Lastly, have you reported your catfisher/abuser to the mods here?  That type of behavior should not be allowed on the forum. 

Feel free to DM if you want. 

--KY

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3 minutes ago, dredlifter said:

...Some advice for anybody out there who are meeting new people:  Ask for a simple picture with a simple gesture.  Ask the person to do something like take a picture of them flipping you the bird or giving two thumbs up.  Or have them write something down on a piece of paper and hold it in front of them.  With smart phones these days this is as easy of a request as it gets.  They don't even have to show their face if they are really shy.  And if they make excuses or don't comply, then move on to someone who will.    

OMG, that is a brilliant idea! 

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I've been catfished way too many times to count and have also found out 3 different times in the past month that people have been using my pics on grindr to catfish others. At this point I'm so used to it and know all the signs that I end up entertaining myself by trying to expose them. It still doesn't get any better hoping that something might be real and realizing its a total lie and to know people are out there pretending to be me is another whole scary issue on top of that.  Sorry that happened to you man, it truly sucks especially how people are so insecure with themselves thay they have no remorse emotionally manipulating others.

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This probably doesn't fall under catfishing, but back in 2007 (I was 23 at the time) I had 4 internet "friends" all of whom were either bodybuilders or aspiring bodybuilders and very talkative about it and very eager to share their pictures and stories. They had one more thing in common - they didn't exist, they were invented by a highly manipulative, very intelligent guy who thought that realizing people's fantasies they are dreaming of, over the internet, is a good thing. Yes, he created 4 "characters" just for me and pretended to be them for half a year. I got to talk to the "real" him when at one point during one of the conversations I said that what's happening is too beautiful to be true. I know that I wasn't his only victim, but based on his words I was the only one to whom he admitted. I have to say this experience was probably the biggest mindfuck of my life. I believed I knew 4 people who turned out not to exist. It was as if somebody I knew died.

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I hate to mark "like" to these posts because there is nothing about catfishing that I do like.  That being said, #muscledrain , in time you will look back at this situation and see it as a learning experience.  I know that it's tough to go through it right now, but also remember that the primary reason that you were catfished is because you ARE desirable.  The catfisher most likely is that proverbial 400 pound blob in front of a keyboard.  He saw in you what he, himself wishes for himself.  Looking at your profile pic and reading your background story, I see that you have "winner" written all over you.  One thing I've learned with dealing with people on the internet is always notice when someone compliments you over something that they really don't know anything about.  I'm not saying to be a rude mf, but if the person is not in your city, then don't put too much into him.  If he is in your city, offer to meet him at your local gym.  I've had a few guys back off of me after I suggested strongly that we meet at the gym.

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What an utterly horrible story. My heart goes out to you, mate, it really does. I've never been catfished (at least; I don't think I have) but I can see how easy it would be to get hoodwinked by someone. I hope you don't abandon the site because of this experience. The number of messages you've received in support should prove that there are loads of good-hearted guys here on the MG forum too.  

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On 3/30/2019 at 5:00 PM, Muscleinatl said:

I hate to mark "like" to these posts because there is nothing about catfishing that I do like.  That being said, #muscledrain , in time you will look back at this situation and see it as a learning experience.  I know that it's tough to go through it right now, but also remember that the primary reason that you were catfished is because you ARE desirable.  The catfisher most likely is that proverbial 400 pound blob in front of a keyboard.  He saw in you what he, himself wishes for himself.  Looking at your profile pic and reading your background story, I see that you have "winner" written all over you.  One thing I've learned with dealing with people on the internet is always notice when someone compliments you over something that they really don't know anything about.  I'm not saying to be a rude mf, but if the person is not in your city, then don't put too much into him.  If he is in your city, offer to meet him at your local gym.  I've had a few guys back off of me after I suggested strongly that we meet at the gym.

Gonna have to disagree a bit here muscleinatl.  As a 400 plus blob I would never catfish anyone, so rethinking that generalization would be appreciated amigo. ;)  As a 400 plus blob muscle chaser I have been catfished more times than I can count on all platforms -- GROWLr, Grindr, the chubby chaser sites, even here.  I am totally in sympathy with muscledrain on this.  Fortunately the bullshit usually falls apart quickly, especially as they use stolen photos that you can easily identify.  I agree with your general advice about how to interact with guys you meet on line and and applaud your encouragement of muscledrain. My experiience here on MG has been 99 percent positive and supportive!  And for the record, I was a nearly 600 pound blob when I first started posting on this site. Thanks for a place to be a muscle junkie and a muscle bear to be! Muscle fo all, brothers!!! 💪🏻

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I didn't mean to offend or stereotype anyone, big or small, @Bjort.  I suppose that I should realize that there are all sorts of great guys out there, big and small alike.  My sincerest apologies.  You lost a third of your weight?! Awesome, dude.   You're getting catfished too?  It's because you have something that others desire.  I'm a little scrawny guy who's been catfished.  I guess the takeaway is that no matter how you look, if you're getting catfished, then you have something that others desire.  Yes, it's a sick way to let someone else know that you want them, but that's just how some people are.

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@Muscleinatl No worries amigo! Just a mild reminder that there are all kinds of people on here. 😜. Thanks for the kind words and positive vibes in your own muscle quest! 👍💪😊.  I really don’t get what the catfisher gets out if all this. It is so totally lame and generally so easily exposed. Ah well. As I said 99% of the folks I have met here are totalky awesome and that is a damned fine average no mater how you slice it!  

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Unfortunately, I would to a degree disagree about having something the catfisher wants. I was a victim of a catfisher for about 8 months and the only thing i had that might be considered "desirable" was my desperation for attention and willingness to help with his "financial ventures" because of it.

My guy was also a "military guy" and the main reason I know his pictures were definitely stolen was because I met him on four other sites with 5 other personas hosting 3 different pictures. He was really smart and at first was everything I thought I wanted but soon he started just demanding I work for him with nothing in return except his communication. He said he loved me too, even asked me to marry him, but would never send fresh pics and always used the "I'm in the military and can't call/video chat without permission" which at first I didn't realize didn't make sense since he was texting me. After I discovered the truth due to talking with another of his victims, a woman from England who had not just agreed to marry him but was even paying for the wedding venue herself, he tried again to catfish me some time later on another site. It was obvious he was a catfish there because he had three profiles with the same pic. Two more sites with two more pics and he did try to tear my family apart to get to me too. Thankfully, I had already taken away his leverage by coming out myself. I've never run into him on this site, thank goodness, but I know this guy and social sites like this with people highly focused on one subject would be right up his alley.

This was some time ago and even though I'm much slower at considering a relationship, I'm again open to meeting new people with a constant eye out for the red flags.

Also, be warned that not everyone will be understanding for the cautionary pics with like the current time or a specific gesture even if they aren't a catfish. Some people have just been lucky to never have been exposed to this stuff and thus didn't understand the reasoning behind it.

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