AJ & Noah

[muscleaddict]

50 minutes ago, Gman said:

I’ve been away for two weeks, and I’ve just been treated to three chapters. Wow! They were the hottest thing I’ve ever read. So much intensity, and romance and sexiness and wow! Thank you!

Wow, mate! Some really lovely feedback there! Thank you!

[anormorph]

23 hours ago, muscleaddict said:

 Was AJ about to explore a territory he never had before?

Confession - this may have prompted some Star Trek theme music in my head....
Your descriptions of the worship interaction are, again, sheer perfection!  Your segment on AJ topping Noah was also divinely written.  You captured this brilliant, potentially awkward moment in their relationship with a perfect balance of reality, candor, and exquisite, oh-my-god-I-need-to-bite-a-pillow fantasy.  Thanks again for writing this!

[reeddune]

OMG, I have to say that's by far one of my top 3 chapters of the story!! You managed so well to deliver a chapter that englobes everything we love from this series. Its one of the most intimates and emersives you did. Thank you 

[muscleaddict]

On 11/25/2018 at 1:31 PM, anormorph said:

Confession - this may have prompted some Star Trek theme music in my head....
Your descriptions of the worship interaction are, again, sheer perfection!  Your segment on AJ topping Noah was also divinely written.  You captured this brilliant, potentially awkward moment in their relationship with a perfect balance of reality, candor, and exquisite, oh-my-god-I-need-to-bite-a-pillow fantasy.  Thanks again for writing this!

Haha! Well, mate, I have to confess I don't know too much about Star Trek but that comment made me laugh anyway!

Thank you so much for this wonderful feedback! This was new territory (Star Trek music!!) for me as a writer as I've never written such a scene with the protagnist in Noah's erm...position before! I really wanted to capture how amazing and special such an experience can be. I very much wanted it to be a spontaneous thing too. No pre-thoughts about if it was gonna happen and when (which would have no doubt bought worries and anxieties on Noah's part). Just Noah's body reacting in a way it never has before in a particular moment in time and two guys who are crazy about each other exploring what they can do to each other bodies.

[muscleaddict]

15 hours ago, reeddune said:

OMG, I have to say that's by far one of my top 3 chapters of the story!! You managed so well to deliver a chapter that englobes everything we love from this series. Its one of the most intimates and emersives you did. Thank you 

Awwww, thanks for those lovely words, matie! Nice to see you posting on here too! I had a feeling this one would be popular for some reason!

[Guest]

Love it. These two are so good. AJ is cute, charming, and sexy.

[Guest]

Wow!! This story is simply AMAZING You can write and/or deliver the chapters as fast as you want. I personally can't wait to read more.  The drawings and pictures are truly enhancing the story

Chapter 33 was beyond amazing!

[muscleaddict]

On 11/26/2018 at 9:55 PM, Speech500 said:

Love it. These two are so good. AJ is cute, charming, and sexy.

Glad you're enjoying it, mate! Don't forget about Noah though!

12 hours ago, jtchef said:

Wow!! This story is simply AMAZING You can write and/or deliver the chapters as fast as you want. I personally can't wait to read more.  The drawings and pictures are truly enhancing the story

Chapter 33 was beyond amazing!

Bless you matie, that is so sweet! Agreed on the drawings - Reeddune did an amazing job! And don't worry, I'll continue to post chapters just as regularly. In fact the next one's coming up...oooh...erm...right about now!

[muscleaddict]

Thirty Four

“I wonder what would have happened if we’d have stayed friends at school?” I asked AJ.

I was wrapped around him on the hotel bed, my head resting on his chest, his right arm wrapped tightly around me and his left hand holding mine as they rested on his abs.

My whole body looked absurdly pale next to his bronzed skin. Somewhere on the hotel room floor lay both AJ’s pink posing trunks and the lime green ones he’d let me wear. Maybe the straps of both pairs were intertwined with each other, the posers almost sharing their own little snuggle like me and AJ were.

“Like, do you think we would have still ended up together?” I added.

I looked up at AJ. He had this little grin on his face but was looking pensive too. “Mmmm! I hope we would’ve!” he said.

“We could have been boyfriends for years!” I replied.

AJ dreamily grinned at me. “You could have been there for my very first bodybuilding show!” he said.

“Oh yeah! I wouldn’t have let you wear those awful black posing trunks either!”

AJ did one of his cute, little giggles. “Hmmmm. Who knows, maybe we wouldn’t have ended up like this if we had?” AJ suggested. “Maybe we had to stop being friends so all this could happen?”

My heart fluttered. “I like that theory!” I said, squeezing his hand with mine.

I turned my face down again, resting my cheek against one of AJ’s pecs. “You know when we stopped being friends? I thought a few times afterwards whether I could have done more!” I said, not facing him.

“Awwww!” AJ replied, burying his face in the top of my head and giving it a soft kiss. “I think it was just one of those things!” he said. “Friends just drifting apart!”

You drifting apart from me, I thought.

“Hmmm. I dunno. Sometimes I think I let you go too easily,” I said. I don’t think I’d ever said that to anyone before. He gripped my hand tighter and squeezed.

We stayed cuddling in silence for a little while after that, just enjoying being wrapped around each other, until AJ finally spoke. “Mmmm. What time is it?”

“Erm … not sure. Probably about seven?” I said.

“I’m fucking starving!” AJ said. “I’d usually be eating cheat meals after a competition! Shall we go out?”

For some reason, a voice in my head shouted, “NO!” I couldn’t explain it, but it was so clear.

“Or we could just stay here all night in bed?” I suggested, looking up at him and grinning.

AJ cheekily grinned back at me. “Let’s go out!” he said.

I still didn’t know why I’d wanted to stay in when I was sat opposite AJ at a table in a cosy little corner of an Italian restaurant somewhere around Covent Garden. As it had been before, being in public with AJ felt like such an incredible rush. As was just being with him in the city, away from Little Denton. Doing things other than going to Scorpio’s or watching Dom and Cole in his bedroom, not having to worry about whether we could do stuff because his mum and Andy were home.

AJ was bursting out of a white t-shirt. His bronzed arms, face and neck contrasting ridiculously with the white material. I still couldn’t believe how much of a proper bodybuilder he looked. I’m sure my cock had been hard more often than it hadn’t that day.

The tips of our trainers were touching under the table. I could have just stayed there sitting across from him and looking at his gorgeous face all night. Our relationship had definitely reached new heights after what had happened at the hotel. I still couldn’t quite believe what we’d done. That AJ had been able to do what he did and it had bought me such intense, mind blowing pleasure. I wondered if the buzz I was feeling was ever going to end.

“So, what do you think of London?” I asked him.

“It’s mental!” AJ exclaimed. I grinned in response. “There’s just … people everywhere!” It was kind of adorable seeing AJ’s eyes opening up to something new. He seemed so innocent in that moment. It was so fucking endearing.

“You seem different here, too!” AJ said, surprising me.

I furrowed my eyebrows. “How?!” I asked, curious and excited at his response.

AJ grinned and shrugged. “I dunno! Just … a bit more grown up I guess!”

I had never really thought about it before then, but I guess I was a slightly different version of myself when I was in London, away from my family and Little Denton,  where I didn’t have my mother worrying about me. Quizzing me about where I was going and who I was going out with.

I had so much freedom when I was in London. There were so many things I could do. So many different places to go. Sometimes I wanted it all so much. And yet, on the other hand, there had been so many times in the two years since I’d left for university when all I’d really wanted was to be back at home in Little Denton. Texting Naomi in my bedroom and wanking off to huge, shredded bodybuilders on my laptop.

“Is that a good thing?” I asked AJ, curiously. I think I knew the answer.

He gave me an adorable, loving grin. “Any version of you is good!” he replied.

I melted and sheepishly smiled back at him. I’m sure I probably blushed a little too. Before I could reply we were approached by the waitress bringing us our pizzas. She had this conspicuous little smirk on her face when she looked at AJ. I could tell she thought he was hot.

“Looks like you’ve got another admirer!” I said to him as she walked away.

AJ playfully sighed. “The downfall of being a sexy fucker! Everyone wants me!”

I laughed and playfully shook my head. “If you start bouncing your pecs again like you did on the tube I’m walking out!”

AJ beamed. “Yeah right! You loved it!”

I rolled my eyes and smirked. AJ picked up his knife and fork. Straightening up his back, he cleared his throat loudly and proceeded to bounce his pecs underneath his white t-shirt.

I shook my head and grinned like mad. “I don’t see you going anywhere!” he cheekily said, as he goofily grinned at me.

“I can’t believe how hard that guy on the tube was staring at you! He wasn’t even trying to be subtle!” I said to AJ.

AJ cheekily grinned. “Does everyone down here have a thing for shredded muscle freaks?”

A question suddenly came into my head. My stomach clenched a little at the thought of asking it. Normally I wouldn’t have, but there was something about that evening, what had happened at the hotel earlier, and just being away from Little Denton with AJ that was giving me a sense of bravery.

“Do you think you could you see yourself living down here?” I asked AJ, my stomach suddenly twisting.

AJ immediately screwed his face up. “Hmmm. Nah! I don’t think it’s for me!” he said shaking his head.

Fuuuuck! It felt like someone had kicked me in the fucking stomach. I actually couldn’t quite believe he’d responded that way. Given me such a resounding no. And so thoughtlessly. What the fuck did AJ expect me to do once I’d graduated university? Move back to Little Denton and get a job in Tesco? I knew we hadn’t discussed what would happen that far into the future, but surely AJ had thought about it? If only just a little?

What was also bad was that he didn’t even seem to register my disappointment. At least not at first. Once I’d been quiet for a little while he asked me if I was okay and I assured him I was. Perhaps foolishly. Maybe I should have just bought up the subject there and then, but I didn’t want it to seem like I was overacting. And I definitely didn’t want to ruin the atmosphere or the night. Even though AJ had kind of done that already. So I tried to convince myself I was being stupid and tried to put it out of my mind. Apparently not very successfully.

“You sure you’re okay?” AJ asked me as we walked out of the restaurant and headed towards Soho. We’d agreed to go to a bar, even though a huge part of me just wanted to go back to the hotel and fall asleep as fast as I could. In hope that when I woke up the next morning I would have snapped out of the mood AJ had put me in and forgotten all about his comment about not wanting to move to London.

“Yeah!” I reassured him, perhaps unconvincingly.

AJ narrowed his eyes. “You’ve gone quiet on me! I didn’t hurt you earlier did I?”

The question took me by surprise. I knew what he meant. Somehow I just didn’t expect him to ask me that. It was so considerate and sweet.

“No!” I assured him, sheepishly grinning at him and suddenly wanting to melt into him. Or at least hold his hand again like we’d done earlier on the way to the hotel.

“Good! I was a bit worried!” he said, biting his lip and grinning at me.

I wanted to tell him that no, he hadn’t hurt me. That what we’d done had been the single most pleasurable experience I’d ever had, and I couldn’t wait for him to be inside me again. That was the point that I managed to shrug off the earlier incident. What may or may not happen in the future suddenly didn’t seem so relevant.

AJ had requested I take him to one of the pubs I go to. I didn’t have the energy to face one of the bars where the younger guys go so I opted for one I knew of with an older crowd.

I knew that AJ was going to turn a few heads, but I wasn’t quite prepared for just how much attention he received. Jesus! It felt like practically everyone in the bar was staring at us. It probably didn’t help that I’d bought him to one of the cruisiest pubs in Soho. A fact I’d suddenly remembered once we were in there. I’d always received my fair share of attention whenever I’d been in that pub. So of fucking course everyone was staring at and checking out the huge, bronzed, painfully gorgeous bodybuilder bulging out of his tight, white t-shirt.

Even the insanely fit barman who served us was gawping at AJ. “I thought you said no one cares in London?” AJ said with a smug grin, as we found a spot to stand and I explained to him what cruisy meant, enjoying the fact that AJ was so innocent about such things.

It was interesting, because on that night in the bar back home where AJ and his mate had joined me, Eddie and Naomi, I’d loved seeing the attention he’d received. On that night, however, it was making me feel uncomfortable. Even a little anxious that so much attention was coming in our direction.

Maybe the reason I was feeling uncomfortable was because AJ and I were now together. He wasn’t just a guy I suspected might, against all odds, be interested in me. He was now my boyfriend, being checked out by an entire bar of guys. But there was something else that was bothering me too. I could tell that it was having an effect on AJ. It wasn’t an environment he’d been in before and from the glint in his eyes, I could tell that he liked it. All of these guys so blatantly checking him out.

“Those lads over that look pretty beefy!” AJ said, nodding to the corner of the bar. He was giving the same mischievous, wide eyed look he would if he were pointing out a particularly big guy at Scorpio’s who he thought I might fancy.

I turned and noticed three hot muscle guys looking in our direction. One was about 6’3, built like a brick shithouse, olive skinned and, quite possibly, one of the most beautiful men I’d ever seen in my life. But I could tell there was an arrogance there, even from the other side of the pub, which was an immediate turn off. There was something about the way he was looking at us, almost in judgement, which made my stomach clench.

The other two guys looked a little more easy going. One was a bit of a daddy. The other probably late twenties, maybe early thirties. Short-ish, good looking, pretty muscular, but no where near the level of the other guy, or the bodybuilder who’d cum inside me just a few hours before.

I probably should have known that when I left AJ alone to use the toilets, someone would approach him. I would never have predicted that I’d go back to the bar to find the three muscle guys he’d pointed out surrounding him, though.

I felt nervous approaching them. I knew that these guys weren’t interested in talking to me. That they definitely wouldn’t have approached me if AJ hadn’t been there. It was funny, because even before I was standing with them, I couldn’t help thinking how absurdly comfortable AJ looked with them. Even though he’d only just met them. It was almost like he’d found his people. Hot muscle gays. A private little club I definitely did not belong to.

“This is Noah!” AJ said, putting his hand on my back. The daddy and the short guy surprised me because they were really warm and friendly. But the other guy, the tall, beautiful, olive skinned guy, who AJ introduced as Dale, barely looked at me. In fact, it was almost as if he made a point of not looking at me.

And then, a few minutes in, we locked eyes, and I’ll never forget the look he gave me. I don’t think I’d ever really been looked down on before. But that was definitely was this guy had done. An intense feeling of hatred consumed me. There was no question about it. Mr Olive Skin was an absolute fucking dick.

After ten minutes or so, AJ went to the toilets. The short-ish guy, whose name was Jack, leaned into me. “Where the hell did you find him?” he cheekily asked. I couldn’t help but get a kick out of his reaction to AJ. I explained that we’d been friends at school and had bumped into each other just a few months before. I told how I’d assumed he was straight but we’d spent the summer rekindling our friendship and that we’d ended up getting together just a few weeks before.

“Awww! That’s kinda sweet!“ Jack, said to me. “Sorry, was it Noah?” he asked. Then he linked his arm with mine and fuck, I definitely felt something. I told him yes.

“I can see you’ve got a bit of muscle on you. You’re kind of like a muscle man to be!” he said. I couldn’t help but swoon and grin at his compliment. He was so incredibly charming and warm. Plus, he was undeniably sexy, filling out a tight blue t-shirt, with his pecs visibly straining through the material. Next to AJ, he was probably the hottest guy who’d ever chatted to me in a bar. The muscle daddy, who I’d found out was Jack’s boyfriend and who was now talking to another random guy who’d approached us, was pretty fucking sexy too.

“What are you guys doing after this?” Jack asked me.

“Erm … nothing,” I said, feeling both nervous and excited at what was unfolding.

“Do you guys wanna come back to ours?” he asked.

Had that been proposed to me two months earlier, and to me alone, I wouldn’t have thought twice about saying yes. But that was before AJ had come along.

“We’ve got coke!” he informed me.

“Ummm … I’m not sure if AJ is into that!” I replied, even though I was pretty sure that AJ actually would be up for trying it, if he hadn’t already.

“We don’t have to do that! Whatever you guys wanna do!”

It was obvious what that meant. Jack and his muscle daddy boyfriend wanted to mess about with the gorgeous, hot bodybuilder who’d waddled into the pub and caused a stir. If that meant his much smaller, non-muscular boyfriend had to come along for the ride too, then so be it.

I wanted to believe that AJ wouldn’t be into it. But, I honestly couldn’t say for definite that he wouldn’t. It was completely uncharted territory. The idea of having sex with a couple of hot guys we’d met in a pub wasn’t something we’d ever discussed. I knew what I wanted though, and that was to go back to my hotel room and spend the night with the boy I was in love with. Just me and him.

But something else was suddenly pre-occupying my mind, because Mr Olive Skin had left the group, and I suddenly noticed where he was. Talking to my boyfriend just a few feet away from the entry of the toilets. Whispering in his ear, with his hand placed gently on his shoulder. AJ looking both interested and engaged. Fuck! An unnerving, sick feeling churned in my stomach.

What the fuck was that prick saying to AJ? And why exactly did it merit him touching his shoulder? My mind was racing as I imagined all the possible things Dale could have been saying to my boyfriend. Informing AJ that there were plenty of gay muscle guys in London. Some of whom he could personally introduce him to. Maybe AJ was starting to see how exciting it would be if he hung around with guys like Jack and Mr Olive Skin? And maybe AJ would start to listen when all of his new hot muscle friends told him that a guy like him could do so much better than a guy like me?

We left the pub not longer after that, my mind still spiralling with all of those thoughts. Sometimes when I get into a certain mindset, I can’t seem to shift my mood. It was like my brain switched into this dark place with all these negative, anxious thoughts swirling around it. And the only thing I could do was just endure it.

The worst thing about it was that it affected the atmosphere between me and AJ. For the first time ever, I didn’t feel comfortable with him. It was like there was an awkwardness hanging over us. He didn’t say anything initially, but I knew he felt it too.

AJ was being uncharacteristically quiet. And then I suddenly thought, what if it had nothing to do with me and my mood? What if it was because of whatever that fucking dick had been saying to him in the pub, whilst his hand had been on his shoulder? I needed to find out what had happened.

“What did that guy say to you? When you were coming back from the toilets?” I asked AJ. We were walking back to the tube through busy, crowded London.

“Oh, what Dale?”

Ugh! I hated the way AJ said his name like he knew him. Like they were friends. FUCK OFF! You only met him an hour ago, I thought.

“Oh, was that his name?” I asked, pointedly. AJ shot me this weird look. He knew I was being funny with him.

“He was just telling me about this club where muscle guys go!”

My stomach churned. I’ll bet he fucking was, I thought. I didn’t respond, but all I could think about on the tube ride back to the hotel was what might happen if AJ did move down to London to be with me.

What if the attention AJ received on the gay scene went to his head and it changed him? What if he did start hanging out with Mr Olive Skin and all of his hot muscle friends? And what if I slowly lost him to those people, just like I’d lost him to the cool kids at school? But, perhaps what was worrying me the most, was what if AJ realised that he could do so much better than me? Be with a guy so much more muscular and sexier than I was? Someone like Dale or Jack or his muscle daddy boyfriend?

Maybe it was best that AJ stayed in Little Denton. Where people like Mr Olive Skin couldn’t take him away from me.

Once we were back in the hotel room, my mood lightened a little. The amazing memories of what me and AJ had done earlier in this very room were starting to come back. But I still couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened at the pub. And I still couldn’t seem to get the image of AJ and Mr Olive Skin out of my head. Granted he’d towered over AJ with his tall height, and was at least several years old than us, if not more, but I couldn’t stop thinking that the two of them had looked good together.

“You know that guy, Jack, asked me if we wanted to go back with him and his boyfriend?” I said, lying on the bed as AJ stood over it and played with the TV remote.

He furrowed his eyebrows and smirked. “Really?! What, like … a foursome?”

I nodded. AJ looked surprised but amused. “What, he just came out and asked you?”

“Pretty much!” I said, nodding and feeling charmed at AJ’s naivety at how forward gay guys could be. I was almost tempted to ask whether he’d have gone for it, but I didn’t think I wanted to know the answer.

AJ jumped on the bed. He climbed on me and lay flat on top of me, resting his chin on my stomach and looked up at me with intent while making an, “Mmmm,” noise.

I melted instantly, grinned and put my hands on his back, while feeling his bronzed up mass squashed against my body.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, with genuine concern.

The question threw me. “Nothing!” I said, gripping him.

AJ rolled his eyes. “Liar!”

I felt sheepish, and reluctant to talk. But I also kind of loved that AJ was concerned. And how sweet he was being.

“Something’s up. Have I upset you?” AJ asked, looking a little worried.

“No!” I lied. “I’m just … being stupid!” I told him.

“Well I’m not moving ‘till you tell me what’s wrong! I’ll go to sleep right here on top of you if I have to!”

I rolled my eyes and sighed, still reluctant to open up.

“Right then! Night night!” AJ joked. And then he turned his face away from me and placed his cheek on my chest and made a snoring sound, pretending to go to sleep on top of me.

I couldn’t help grin at what he was doing. “Ooooh, this pillow’s a bit lumpy!” AJ said, wiggling on top of me.

I giggled, continuing to grip on to him and he looked back up at me with a big, self-satisfied grin on his face. Clearly feeling pleased himself. I loved the fact that we were back to our normal selves. That the uncomfortable awkwardness I’d felt when we’d left the pub had passed.

“Tell me what’s up!” he gently ordered.

I sighed. What was I supposed to tell him? I didn’t want to bring up his comment about not wanting to live in London, but AJ clearly wasn’t going to drop the subject. I knew I had to tell him something. Go part way to explain what was bothering me.

“That guy in the pub was kind of a dick to me!” I said. Mr Olive Skin was playing a big contribution to my mood after all.

“Which one?!” he said, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Dale!” I said, rolling my eyes. “Or whatever his name was!”

AJ looked surprised. “What did he do?”

I shrugged. “It was just the way he was with me. He was just rude! And he gave me this look!”

AJ looked at me like I was being overdramatic. I was starting to regret telling AJ how I felt. “Hmmm. He seemed okay to me!”

Ugh! That pissed me off. I was telling him that someone had been a dick to me. Why wasn’t he taking my word for it?

“Well he was okay to you!” I said. I knew how that made me sound. Like a crazy, jealous boyfriend.

AJ’s mouth curled into a little grin. Like he thought I was being cute. “Does it matter though, Noah?” he said, shrugging his shoulders slightly. “He was just some random guy in a bar!”

Just some random guy, I thought. Who was absurdly good looking. And built like a brick shithouse. And oh yeah, had his hand on your fucking shoulder.

“Anyway, mister, you were funny with me before then!” AJ said.

Oh God. My stomach twisted.

“Was it something I said in the Italian?”

Fuck. AJ clearly wasn’t going to let me get off that easily. Maybe it was time to broach the subject? Tell him the truth of what had initially bothered me? I took a deep breath.

“It was what you said about London,” I said, nervously. AJ looked at me confused. “How you couldn’t see yourself living here?” I explained.

He furrowed his eyebrows, but there was something in his expression too. A seriousness that wasn’t there before. Maybe he knew where I was heading.

“Okay …,” he said, prompting me for a further explanation.

“It’s just … I dunno. I’m probably gonna end up living here when I finish uni. Especially if I wanna get into publishing!”

“Yeah, but, that’s not for, like, another year!” he said.

“I know. I guess, I just think about these things!” I said honestly, feeling more nervous still.

“Are you saying you’d want me to move to London?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

Fuck! “No!” I said, instinctively. “I dunno!” Fuuuuck. What was I saying? My heart was pounding. AJ had a serious look on his face. “I mean … not right now!”

AJ’s expression softened and he gave me this warm little grin. And I felt a flutter of excitement. There was a part of me that thought it was a crazy notion. The idea of AJ moving to London to be with me. Especially as we hadn’t been together that long. But there was another part of me that couldn’t think of anything more logical. Being as close to the boy I loved as I could.

The way AJ was looking at me, and what he said next suggested that maybe he didn’t think it wasn’t such a crazy notion either.

“I mean … I haven’t really thought about it properly!” he said, with a little shrug. I felt a pinch of excitement. “It’s just so different down here! And people don’t stare at me in public as much!” he added, wiggling his eyebrows and cheekily grinning.

I smiled and rolled my eyes.  

“But, Noah,” he began, suddenly looking serious, “it’s not like you asked me to move here and I said no. And I’ve only been here for, like, half a day!” he reasoned. “I can’t really say whether I might wanna live here in a years time or not!”

So don’t wait a year, I thought. Come with me when I move back here next month. But that seemed like an even crazier notion. And way too out there to suggest.

“And I’m not being funny, but you don’t definitely know you’re gonna stay here after uni either!” AJ continued.

AJ was right, of course. When did he become the voice of reason? “I know!” I said, shaking my head. “I’m being stupid!”

He gave me this adorable grin and looked at me lovingly. “I guess I’m just worried!” I explained, feeling brave. I didn’t think too much about what I said next. Perhaps if I had, I wouldn’t have said it.

“Like, I’ll be going back to uni next month. I don’t want things to change.” I couldn’t believe what I was saying. That I was being so honest. But I guess I felt like it finally needed to be said. And that felt like the perfect moment.

Something flickered in AJ’s expression. A look of worry. Sadness, even. “I know. I think about it too!” he confessed. Fuck. My heart fluttered. “But it’s not like I’m going anywhere!” he added.

But what if, once I’m back in London, you realise you don’t wanna be with me? I thought. What if you sign up to a dating app and meet someone like Eddie just like I did a few months ago? And what if you go to the one of the gay pubs in town and meet another hot muscle guy and realise you wanna be with him instead of your long distance boyfriend you don‘t get to see as much as you’d like?

“I mean, if anyone should be worried it’s me!” AJ exclaimed.

That completely threw me. “Why?!” I asked, confused.

“Cause you’ll be down here. Going out! Meeting guys in pubs and getting invited back to theirs! And I’ll be back in Little Denton! Just … waiting ‘till I get to see you again!”

I couldn’t believe it. I had no idea that AJ had been thinking any of those things. I shook my head and looked at him lovingly, while gently playing with the top of his left, slightly jug ear.

I wanted to tell him how much I loved him. How I couldn’t envision being with anyone else. Had absolutely no interest in it. Not even a quick, meaningless fumble with a fit muscle guy in a blue t-shirt in a gay pub and his hot muscle daddy boyfriend. I wanted to tell him that my body was his. And how much I worshipped him. Every single part of him. But it all just felt too big to say.

“Trust me. You’ve got nothing to worry about! You know what you mean to me!” I said, a little sheepishly.

He dreamily smiled at me, and then leant in to kiss me. I could have stayed there all night just looking at him. Kissing him. Touching him. Feeling him against me.

I hoped that AJ believed what I’d said. I hoped he knew how much he meant to me. I hoped he knew that I would never intentionally hurt him. And more than anything, I hoped that he was wishing for all of those exact same things from me.

[Psuace]

I want to shed a tear after reading this chapter.  Their conversation is very accurate about hesitations and what if's.