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The cult of Crom


Hialmar

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The cult of Crom

Look here, Agent: I have done nothing wrong.

I thought, that "innocent until proven guilty" was a fundamental principle in our country. Isn't it? Freedom of religion is protected in Law.

I agree. No one's religion ought to be an excuse for illegal activities, but what sort of illegal activities ...

They took a blood sample and a urine sample, when I was brought in, but I am sure, that both will come back negative. Me and my brothers don't do steroids. No need for it.

Like what you see, uh? No, I'm not disrespecting you. My pecs twitched involuntarily.

Fraud? With all respect, Agent: You don't know what you are talking about. We settled in the same village, because the surrounding society harassed us. We just wanted to be left alone. All brothers assist in the maintenance of the temple building, but we don't have any tithing like some of the mainline denominations. Why don't you go after them instead?

Real religion? REAL religion? Who do you think have the right to decide which religion is real? If you ask the Pentecostals, they will tell you, that Catholicism and Islam aren't real religions. If you ask the Hindoos, they will tell you, that something is weird with Abrahamic faiths. If you ask the Moslems, they will give Jews and Christians cred for being "Peoples of the Book", but take a negative view on Buddhists and Pagans. The entire idea of freedom of religion, is that each individual is free to chose his own spiritual path together with others OR in solitude. It is not a matter for the state to decide, and it is damn not for the Security Branch to decide. I was under the impression, that the separation of Church and State is modern policy?

But if it is, what am I and my brothers doing here?

I see. As I said before: I expect our urine samples to come back negative, and, as far as I know, our licenses for hunting rifles are in order. We hunt for elk and bear during the season when that is legal.

Why I joined? Actually, I have followed the movement from the beginning, and, initially, I was just as skeptic as you are now, if that may bring you some relief. It was my friend Mike who began. We were at college together. He was a big, sporty, jockish type of student, but considerably more clever than the average jock. I was short, tiny and brainy, and surprised when he wanted to help me take up weight-training. I was embarrassed in the beginning, but the presence of Mike at my side -- smiling, cheering me, instructing me, protecting me from two of the bullies -- helped me to feel safe, and it didn't take long until I began to notice some modest results, and I liked the feeling of exercise.

Not modest any longer? Thank you, Agent. That's nice of you. Yes, I like my gains.

You work out yourself? Uh, well, yes, more toned than the average Joe, but no offence, but you probably need to EAT more, especially protein. Keep up the good work, Agent. I didn't mean to discourage you: On the contrary. We brothers of the temple encourage ALL men to work out regularly. It's good for us. Healthy. You connect better to your inner core of masculinity. REAL masculinity. Not the one some people call "toxic". We believe, that men ought to behave honourably.

Warm in here? Yes, now when you mention it, Agent, I would appreciate a glass of water. No. Thank you, but no coffee and no fizzy drink. I don't want to ruin my gains. A glass of water would be fine.

Ah. You are back. Thank you for the water. Are you supposed to be the "good cop"? When does the "bad cop" arrive?

Don't work like that? A TV cliché? I see. Where were we, before you fetched the water? Oh, yes, okey, Mike.

As I said: For a jock, Mike was unusually clever. His Dad was brought up within Reform Judaism, but had switched to Buddhism in adulthood. His Mom was Episcopalian, but not frequently practicing, and his parents didn't bother with telling him which religion to chose. My Dad is Catholic and my Mom is Methodist, and they respected my choice, when I turned Agnostic. Actually, they took my conversion to Agnosticism better, than when I told them I'm gay.

Don't choke on your coffee, Agent. Are you all right?

Surprise?

Don't look? Listen, Agent, I don't know from where you get your ideas, but gay men look in many different ways. Don't believe any stereotypes. What did you expect, Sir? Limp wrists, squeaky voice and a mandatory feather boa? Don't be ridiculous. You can't observe it on the outside of people. True, some gay men form cliques and sub-cultures, but don't expect them to be typical for the general bunch of us.

Apology accepted. No. No offence taken. Better now? Okey. Shall I continue?

I wanted to stay away from any religion: The nastiest ones turn violent, and even the nicer ones seemed so illogical or superstitious to me -- though some of them are good at helping poor people. Mike took a more positive view: He held all religions to have a kernel of truth, and he read mystics from several religious backgrounds. He listened to music from several religions, when he wanted to relax after a workout. I never really understood Mike in that regard. Then, one day, when I visited him, he had arranged a little household shrine with a candle, a matchbox, an incense holder, a bowl of water and a bronze plate on which stood a glass of gainer -- a chocolate flavoured gainer, if I remember correctly. I found it a little odd, so I asked him, and I thought that he pulled my leg.

It wasn't like that I was entirely unaware of Neo-Paganism. Some of the liberal hipsters were into Mother Goddesses and stuff, and I had heard about Nazis resurrecting the old viking religion, but I had the impression, that both of these two wings dressed up politics as religion, and I hadn't expected a centrist guy like Mike to bother with the concept. And another thing: The usual Neo-Pagans usually tried to revive worship of gods and goddesses attested in sources from Antiquity: Old Egyptian gods, old Babylonian gods, old Greek and Roman gods, old Celtic gods, old Norse gods ... Actually, when Mike told me about what he was doing, I thought that it was a joke: You know, like the Pastafarians who worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or like the Jediists who mess with the Census in several English-speaking countries. Though I have heard that, eventually, some of the Jediists began reading Joseph Campbell and tried to connect with The Force.

Oh, sorry. I digress. I wanted to say, that Mike had taken up worship of a god from novels and short stories. He wasn't supposed to have been worshipped by real persons in real history. Mike had begun to worship Crom -- the god in Robert E. Howard's stories about Conan the Barbarian. Have you read them? Watched the movie? Yep. Many men and women have.

Ridiculous? Actually, that was my reaction, too. Initially. Then, after a few weeks, I began to notice, that Mike increased his gains much faster than before. I had a serious conversation with him one night, since I was afraid he had began using some drugs with dangerous side-effects, but he swore that he was entirely natty, and then he invited me to share his evening meditation before his shrine to Crom. I thought it was stupid, of course. Who wouldn't?

He washed his hands in the bowl of water, and let me do it too. I obliged as a matter of politeness. Then he lit the candle and the incense. He replaced the former glass of gainer on the bronze plate with a new one, and we both shared the old gainer. Later, he told me it was called a "community offering". Then he improvised a prayer to Crom, and I felt silly. It was about bringing strength to Crom's devotees, increasing our dedication at the gym, and gaining better gains. Dedication to the gym and lust for better gains was always on my mind anyhow, but I didn't see any reason to bring it into religion, and definitely not into a religion based on fantasy novels.

What happened? You wouldn't believe me, Agent. You wouldn't believe me. When you interrogate Mike and our other brothers, you will hear a similar story, but since you wouldn't believe me, let me show you. We use this mantra, you know: CROM CROMM CROMMMM

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

Oh, fuck, yes!

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

Look at you, Agent! It is affecting you, too!

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

How I got out of these handcuffs? Strength. The muscular strength my god gives to me and my brothers.

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

So good? Yeah, I agree. Feel the power of Crom, Agent! Join me and your new brothers. We will show the world how primordial masculinity look like when it becomes flesh.

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

Listen! We are not the only ones to sing the Crom-mantra in the building. It resounds through the walls, the ceiling and the floor. We are becoming ... Uhnnn. Look at me!

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

Sexy? Unbelievably manly? Why, thank you, Agent. I wasn't sure if you ... OH YES! Out of your dreams? Thank you, Agent. Look what you are becoming, yourself. WHAT YOU ARE BECOMING. Good? Fuck, hell, yeah. Good is just the beginning. All that brawn. Firm like steel. Tanned. The striations. And bulging inside ... Don't fight it! Let it out! Give in! You are becoming ... Yes! Agent. Unbutton my fly like that. FUCK! Your hands on my leather-clad glutes! Growing more! My mass! And your! YES! UHNNNN. Agent, I love the feeling of you ripping out of your shirt, while you kneel between my legs ... FUCK ... AGENT! So ... Will make you grow more. And me. More brawn. While you ... UHNNNN.

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

CROM CROMM CROMMMM

Edited by Hialmar
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Just now, Esshar said:

love it, Hialmar

Nice to hear, that you like it. It leaves a lot to the imagination of the reader.

And by the way: All religions mentioned in this story -- with the exception of the cult of Crom itself -- actually exist IRL, although the Pastafarians, the Jedis and the Neo-Pagans aren't particularly well-known to the general public, and the latter group is extremely diverse (The difference between Feminist Witches and Nazi Odinists is just the beginning). I read in some social study, that Reform Jews switching to Buddhism is a thing among the upper middle class on the American west-coast and east-coast, so I tried to give Mike's Dad a resemblance of reality, and it felt right to let his Mom be an Episcopalian, for some reason. Both Mike and his narrator friend must be children to parents of the hippie and post-hippie generation. While I was writing, I considered the possibility, that Mike briefly could have peeked into Discordianism and The Church of the SubGenius in the past, but I concluded, that his personality profile probably didn't match those who are attracted to those movements: Better let him be a big, cheerful and open-minded bloke who relax to Sufi music, Sephardic singing, Tibetan throat-singing and Anglican chant.

To be honest, I wouldn't mind joining the cult of Crom, if it had existed (but perhaps not as my only religious adherence). They seem to have fun. CROM!

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  • 1 year later...
On 1/25/2020 at 6:44 PM, Hialmar said:

It's almost two years since I wrote this one, and new members haven't read it, so I'll give it a bump.

Glad you did - I missed it the first time around...and it's one  not to miss!

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11 hours ago, nethersmith said:

This was nice. Are you planning are writing more?

The cult of Crom is a stand-alone, finished short story.

I will probably write other short stories in the future, and I will try to finish the multi-chapter stories I began several years ago. I'm bad at finishing multi-chapter stories. 

If you wonder, if I will write another story within the same literary universe, as the one where The cult of Crom takes place, the answer is, that I already have begun a multi-chapter story within the same literary universe, but that story is still unfinished, and lean in the direction of horror. The latter story is called Professor Schnackenburg's mistake, and it has reached the length of nine chapters. The tenth chapter will be the concluding one.

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10 hours ago, RecoveringLearner said:

Glad you did - I missed it the first time around...and it's one  not to miss!

Perhaps I ought to give a bump to some of my other early pieces of work, too, if they are legible. Now, when I re-read some of my early stories, I notice, that my English is less smooth in my first attempts at writing MG stories. I often make erroneous or inconsistent choices of grammatical tense, and I blend British English and American English in a way, that must be confusing to native speakers.

Edited by Hialmar
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On 1/27/2020 at 5:03 AM, Hialmar said:

The cult of Crom is a stand-alone, finished short story.

I will probably write other short stories in the future, and I will try to finish the multi-chapter stories I began several years ago. I'm bad at finishing multi-chapter stories. 

If you wonder, if I will write another story within the same literary universe, as the one where The cult of Crom takes place, the answer is, that I already have begun a multi-chapter story within the same literary universe, but that story is still unfinished, and lean in the direction of horror. The latter story is called Professor Schnackenburg's mistake, and it has reached the length of nine chapters. The tenth chapter will be the concluding one.

that sounds like just the kinda of story i've been looking for.

and don't worry, i'm not to good at starting or finishing stories myself.

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