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Hialmar

Hialmar's Diary

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Back home from campus. Nice students, but sixth form hasn't prepared them for university studies properly. Some of them hadn't heard about Esaias Tegnér, Erik Gustaf Geijer and Viktor Rydberg, so I had to explain almost everything about the 19th century romantic style of Swedish literature. I don't dare to think how complicated it will be to explain the ideas of  Derrida to them.

Autumn has arrived. Yellow leaves are falling, and night temperature is approaching zero Centigrades, even if it is reasonably mild around lunchtime. I must remember to have my tweed jacket repaired.

What would have happened, if my life had turned out differently? The genetics I inherited, the choices I made, the teachers that influenced me... What if I had been less ridden my illness, and hadn't taken up studies in Arts and Humanities?

Until now, it was just a daydream. I am not sure if the commercial is reliable, but it claims that Transmute Androbolic Ultra Gro Bro Pro Extra Plus will have a massive impact on the human body, and with no side effects, except for some "minor alterations of personality", and that doesn't sound harmful, to be honest. Surprisingly cheap too, if it is as efficient as claimed. I wonder how many days it will take, to have the package delivered?

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It is easier to give male and female authors the same amount of time in a lecture about the 1890s and later. The time before 1890 wasn't egalitarian in any sense of the word. Seminar about Selma Lagerlöf tomorrow. Appropriate opportunity to comment on the Nobel Prize of Literature, too.

The outdoors temperature has increased again. 13 Centigrades in the middle of the night – like a chilly summer night. Not typical for October. Where is the frost on the lawns? And people say there is no climate change.

Haven't been to the gym for weeks. To be a hardgainer is not an encouragement of being particularly assiduous at the gym. Worked out tonight. Felt good. Chest this evening, which is a favourite. Nice ladies in retirement age training their backs for medical reasons. Plucky teenagers. Female students seemingly using the treadmills for hours. Some men in my own age.

Couldn't believe, that the package had arrived already! Since the merger between Danish Mail and Swedish Mail, the new postal service hasn't been good. Fancy black plastic jar. The name of the product is ridiculous, of course, but the reviews have been so positive, so I have to give it a try. Drank a few decilitres of it after my workout. It taste better than some supplements I have tried before, but it would be wrong to call it appetizing. I'm sleepy now, and will probably not see any effects (if it actually have any effects) until after a few weeks.

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I feel so motivated now! My workouts turn out better than ever, and I feel so energized. My old three-workouts-a-week schedule feel dated, and I'm planning a new schedule for workouts five times a week. I bought some creatine and BCAA yesterday, before the supplement store closed, since I realized, that Transmute Androbolic Ultra Gro Bro Pro Extra Plus isn't the only supplement I need, if I want to take my exercise seriously. No doubt, the latter one is good! I wouldn't have regained this level of drive without it. What do I write? Regain? Gain is a better word for it. I feel so alive. So disciplined. It's me and the weights. Flesh meets steel. And become steel.

I know, that I ought to have prepared the seminar on early Nordic modernist authors for tomorrow, but I didn't have the time for it in the last four days. I have been unusually obsessed with physical exercise. I have to trust my memory from how I moderated this topic last year. I haven't forgotten anything about Edith Södergran or Gunnar Ekelöf. How would I?

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Bro sounds to me like yu are just sorting out your priorities. Keep focus on the gains dude. Just saying btw - yu might be in the wrong job pretty soon.

 

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Thanks for your encouragement. I've worked out Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Rest day tomorrow. My back is sore in a pleasant way. Was able to increase the weight when training upper and lower Trapezius. My lats are grinding against my tricepses in a way that releases a feeling of strength, mass and confidence. I feel so present in the now, so present in my body, mind and muscle merging. Feel horny after my workouts, too. I hope this level of motivation last.

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go for it bud, sounds good even if I dont have a clue wut most of the words yu use even mean

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Never under-estimate the importance of rest! The feeling of my triceps grinding against my lats is more intense now. Feels great.

Chest today. Never felt a pump like this. Probably scared one the old ladies when I shouted and dropped that pair of dumbbells on the floor. Managed to increase from 16 kilo grammes to 20 kilo grammes. Step by step. Baby steps in the beginning. That pump is amazing!

I wonder if what I eat has anything to do with it? Have improved my amount of lentils, tuna, salmon and chick pea dip – excellent protein sources, but have to remember to eat sesame seeds at other times than spinach and ZMA pills, respectively, since calcium, iron and zinc take each other out. I now eat sesame sauce at lunch, green vegetables at dinner and ZMA after supper, in order to keep the three minerals apart. Seem to work. Read on the jar that intake of Transmute Androbolic Ultra Gro Bro Pro Extra Plus can be increased to twice a day: Half an hour before workout and immediately before sleep. Does not interfere in a bad way with the ZMA when I sleep, and the workouts become more intense. My chest is so pumped now.

Two of the 18 year olds in baseball caps asked me for advice today. That was a first. I like to give them workout advice. Plucky little lads. I feel like a protective uncle. Not the sort of lads who get the idea to attend my literature class after finishing school – much more testosterone. I hope they don't become unemployed next summer. Strange. I never felt like I had anything in common with lads like them, back when I was in their age, but now it feels like we are all part of a sort of brotherhood. The brotherhood of steel and weights, striving in the same direction.

Two men close to my own age spoke to me in the locker room while we all drank our BCAA. Friendly, encouraging burly blokes. Turned out they are called Bempa and Uffe. Bempa works at at a warehouse, Uffe as a lumberjack (but they sit inside big vehicles nowadays). They seem like more relaxed and less complicated human beings, than my co-workers. Less high-strung. More natural. More real.

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Leg day yesterday, rest today. This routine is awesome. The gym is usually less frequented Friday nights, than other weekday nights: The youngsters are probably out drinking, and the elderly stay at home. Bempa and Uffe happened to be there, and gave me some good advice. I gave them some advice back: They didn't use to plan their food intake at all. Bempa, especially, seems interested in the nutritional aspects of exercise, Uffe less so.

My tweed jacket is too small, and my overcoat will be too small very soon. Better donate them to a charity second hand shop or something. I bought a new jacket for winter use today. Decided to buy something on the wild side – why not? – and choose a bomber jacket from Alpha Industries. Metallic blue.

Nothing fancy for dinner: Lentils, broccoli, tuna. I would probably better make a more noticeable distinction between ordinary days and cheating days.

Just one week left until autumn break: No students, and I will be able to plan my working times however I wish for a week. I could work out in the middle of the day and work evenings!

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Front today. Chest can afford two workouts a week. So may shoulders. I remember, that the six-pack isn't the only part of the waist: Hard obliques makes me look different. Shoulders are bigger and harder then ever before – feels good in the shower to grab these threefold slabs of beef on each side. 

Have to order more Transmute Androbolic Ultra Gro Bro Pro Extra Plus. I didn't expect to consume more than three serving dosages a week, and now I'm up to twelve serving dosages instead: Before workout and before sleep. Felt wild and insane with the weights tonight. When I was finished, my entire front felt like a fucking Roman breast-shield with every muscle standing out hard as fuck. No sight of Bempa and Uffe, which was a relief. I don't dare to think how they would have joked about my hard-on in the locker-room. I decided to take my shower at home instead of the gym shower.

Nowadays, I'm horny all the time. I dream of muscle by night. I awake in the morning and feel how hard I'm becoming. Just in a few weeks after increasing workout-frequency! Ravenous for tuna and rice when I had finished my shower. Had no time to cook anything fancy. Devoured it like a predator. I've taken my evening dosage of ZMA and Transmute Androbolic Ultra now. The warnings on the label are bollocks. I've not noticed no "minor alterations of personality", even at twelve.

Look forward to the autumn break. I don't have the endurance to talk much more about novelists right now. Or poets. I will probably recover my focus on the authors after the break. I can't believe what I see in my bathroom mirror. The change has happened so fast. It's incredible. Feel so hard and strong and potent. Confident. My colleagues are pen-pushers. I stand apart. Feels good to stand apart. I've got to find a girl friend. Or a boy friend.

Rain or snow expected tomorrow. Have to polish my boots, so they are ready for snowfall.

Have cravings for sugar-free peanut butter and non-hydrolysed coconut oil. Need healthy fat to produce more testo. Yeah! I'm a fucking stonking factory producing high-pressure testo now! Is that my shoulders and chest? Can't believe it! Can't stop grabbing my pecs and feel their mass. Is this beef-machine really me? Still pumped! I will have sweet dreams tonight. Sweet dreams, indeed!

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Sleet turned into heavy rain rather quickly, so the snow-warning was exaggerated. Nice yellow and red leaves in the parks during lunch break. Unusually warm weather: Briefly dipped to 3, but then returned to 9 Centigrades.

Did a bad job today, leading the seminar on European authors after Die Wende 1989. Wished my students an enjoyable Autumn Break: They have to work on an essay during the remaining week, during the break and during the beginning of the week thereafter. This will give them an opportunity to visit parents for a couple of weeks, and I will have time to write a research article. Met the administrator on my way out. She gave me an ambiguous look. Don't know what that was supposed to mean. Met the Dean too. I don't know why, but there was something disapproving in his gaze, but he didn't say nothing.

Although my university hasn't had a dress-code for work since the 1970s, when attitudes and habits in society changed, I have, until now, gone for a more conservative and professional look, since I have found that to be helpful when I visit universities abroad, especially as we don't wear the things the British wear: Hood, gowns and other funny dress-party stuff. My trousers have felt uncomfortable around my quads and hamstrings a few days, for now. My usual clothing store didn't have anything that fit, but one of the tailors (who looked at me funnily) suggested me to give one of the jeans-shops a try. I took a peek into a jeans-shop after the seminar: Haven't worn jeans since I was 16 and went for a more 'adult' way of dressing and bought my first briefcase (though I wear chinos outside work). I expected jeans to be too tight and slim fit for my present needs, but it turned out that something called Levis 541 looked like they were made for me. Goes well with the Doctor Martens boots I use during the winter months.

Training back tonight. Pumped. I walk like I carry something heavy, even when I don't. Feels great. Uffe and Bempa was there. We drank BCAA after getting dressed. They approved of my new jeans and new jacket. Asked me if I had tried snus before (Swedish dipping tobacco), which I hadn't, so I tried some of their's. It's a healthier alternative to cigarets. You put it under your lip, usually your upper lip. Better than coffee.

Doctor's appointment tomorrow. Just the ordinary annual check-up. Will hear the results of my latest blood samples and breathing tests.

It's late. Better take my ZMA, coconut oil and Gro Bro Pro before bed-time. 

 

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