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Deebee

Am I too sexually addicted to muscle?

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I'm a 34 year old gay guy. I've been into muscle as long as I can remember. I didn't start masturbating till relatively late in my teen years, and when I did, it was obviously to photos and videos of muscular guys, as assisted by online venues like this one. 

I have not been very lucky in love, but I'm a good enough looking guy that I've been able to go out with a number of buff guys, and hook up with others. I'm always really obsessed with their muscles, and can't wait for them to flex, and let me feel them up, etc. Some are into it, some less so (weirdly, to me). 

Anyway, here is the problem. I've been single for a very long time, and I feel relatively resigned to it. My worry, however, is that part of the reason I'm so resigned to it is because I've become so resigned to my fetish and the limitations of it. I like masturbating to muscular guys, and I like occasionally using real-life muscular guys for sex. But I feel this is ultimately a very shallow, dehumanizing, transactional way to look at men, and a mindset that is not healthy, particularly at my age, when I really should be putting more effort into getting into a relationship. Yet I feel my primary interest in men always drifts into the sexual, and for things to be sexually interesting, there has to be muscle involved.

I don't know. Does what I'm describing ring true to anyone else here? Surely it must. I'd be curious to hear your thoughts, and if any of you have overcome similar feelings of being trapped.

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As guys we are visual creatures and we are aroused by visual stimuli- I am in the same boat as you. I have a gay neighbor that is always grabbing my arms and chest and shoulders and talking about my muscles. I have zero interest in him and I get embarrassed and pull away. However if he was built I know for a fact I would grab back and would take off my clothes and flex for him. It does feel shallow but I can't help it and I have just grown to accept it. I only have sex (really awesome amazing sex) with women (for now) but if I ever find a muscular guy that is open I plan to explore but only if it's a hard body jock or alpha man. It's just what I'm attracted to. I'm not looking for a LTR. Sure that seems shallow but I just can't help it. You are not alone and at least you have experienced muscular men. I'm still trying to find one for a worship session. It's been on my bucket list for years 

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Deebee, I could have written this about myself. Total same situation. Frustrating as hell, since I'll get into a guy but then be more interested in the muscle than sex, and it tends to feel, as you say, transactional. I'd just go from guy to guy, leaving a trail of abandonment in my path. I've come to suppose that I'm just not looking for a relationship. But there are some possibilities, and they're ones I've only seen as significant in hindsight (and the ones that could have been a "thing" are separated by distance now).

That is, there seems to be a difference for me between being turned on by a person's muscle and being turned on by them personally. I'll find that in most cases, it's one or the other. And usually the muscle drowns out the interest in the person. But a select few in the past, I've recently come to notice, have been both. Where that person is someone I'd actually like to spend time with, and that I also go absolutely apeshit when they take their shirt off. AND that they're into me as well. It's a rather intricate set of circumstances.

The tricky part for me is to keep from depersonalizing. And that actually seems to depend more on me than anything else. I have a tendency to disembody a bit when I'm with a hot guy, and I forget myself and just sort of soak in the gestalt of the other guy. I get so caught up in the muscle, that I forget that sex is a participatory activity. That's when things go wrong, when I get so overcome by the guy's muscle that I kinda forget how to move. Perhaps if I worked at becoming a power bottom, that wouldn't be an issue..........

Otherwise, I tend to have a problem of "now what." Five or ten minutes of flexing and feeling each other up, and if it doesn't escalate to something more intense, things get really awkward, and it's like we're just feeling muscles and expecting something to happen. And that's when I need the connection to the person and not just the transactional connection to the muscle. 

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Could I perhaps turn this discussion around and ask "What would happen if someone, completely out of the blue, said "Hey, you look great!", strip and then grunt "Pose down, now"?" Would you accept the challenge and see where it led or would you be overwhelmed that someone wanted to flex with you?

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1 hour ago, CardiMuscleman said:

Could I perhaps turn this discussion around and ask "What would happen if someone, completely out of the blue, said "Hey, you look great!", strip and then grunt "Pose down, now"?" Would you accept the challenge and see where it led or would you be overwhelmed that someone wanted to flex with you?

Personally, I wouldn't wait for him to strip and challenge me to a muscle pose down.  Instead, before he could finish the word "great", I'd already be stripped and flexing and would challenge HIM to a pose down. :)   But, in your scenario, if some dude said that to me and stripped and started flexing (and ordered me to pose with him), that would be totally hot and I'd certainly go for it and would enjoy it.   I've actually had that happen a number of times. Just last week, I went into a 7-11 store and I had just come from the gym and was wearing a sleeveless shirt and shorts.  Another guy came in wearing pretty much the same thing and walked up to me and said: "I can do better than that - check this out" and he started flexing and posing his muscles right in front of me (he was really muscular) and then said "Let's see what you got" (actually he seemed kind of "hyper" so maybe he had just drank or smoked "something".)  But, I said to him, "You look good, dude, but check out my muscles - I've got you beat" and I started posing and flexing my muscles in front of him.  Seriously!   I had no idea who the guy was but that's how it happened - he just challenged me right on the spot!   I'm sure the whole thing was captured by the store's security camera so it might end up on Youtube.  Anyway, I just really enjoy competing and comparing muscles with other guys and I never back away from a muscle challenge.   Sometimes, muscle challenges lead to "other" things and sometimes they don't.   For me, the unpredictability of it all is the fun part. 

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Probably what you wouldn't normally hear on a site like this, but I'd honestly recommend getting in with a therapist/counselor (one that's lgbt firiendly of course.) I say this because situations like this can lead to internal anguish and down the road to clinical depression. An outside 3rd party that's not biased in the situation can be really helpful for most anyone. 

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On 7/14/2017 at 0:44 AM, AlMacArthur said:

Deebee, I could have written this about myself...

And I could have written your reply myself, too! It certainly feels good to know I'm not alone in this.

Your description of the transactional nature, particularly the "now what" side of things rang 100% true to my own experiences. I can be charming when I want to, and I've been good at being able to get muscular guys to go to bed with me (though I will also add that I cast a WIDE net with things like Grindr, and I've also settled for some weird, unattractive, or just plain odd guys who just happen to be buff). But just like you, I do often find myself more interested in just admiring their muscles than the sex, and the encounters can be awkward and unsatisfying on their end. Which makes me feel selfish and exploitive.

I've had a couple of encounters with buff guys for whom I was also attracted to on a deeper, less superficial level. Those are great, if rare. But as I've gotten older, I've also realized that a lot of buff guys are themselves quite shallow, or overly obsessed with the gym, or have other unattractive/incompatible qualities that come as a direct result of their bodybuilding lifestyle. Which can be kind of a bummer, because that only increases the incentive to compartmentalize these things, and treat muscular guys as sexual objects with whom the only appropriate relationship is a transactional sexual (or frankly, just "intimate) one.

 

 

 

 

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I'm the same, except i don't think it's transactional, i feel it's very mutual, however, i have actually met people i'm genuinely'interested in as a person, but then sexually its been a catastrophe because if they don't have muscles i have neigh zero sexual interest or drive, and when i have meet or talk to other guys who do share my interest in muscle and could satisfy it, it merely goes that far, being able to satisfy that craving but not someone i could have a significant interpersonal relationship with, so I've tried to stay with the guy i feel personally connected to and trust me we make a very good couple, but although the lack of sexual satisfaction is okay with me, it has not been the same with him, he really needs it but i don't have it, so it's been very tense, and it has scared me into thinking that I'll never be able to have a significant relationship unless the impossible happens and i meet a guy who is both buff and a personality that compliments mine. It can be a very "sudden realisation crisis" feeling, i've hoped to maybe solve it by pushing my current bf to get buff, but he really has no interest in it so I can't force because it's not his fault I'm like this, but then again i really don't want to lose him, nor end up alone in life only being able to occasionally satisfy myself sexually with a muscle hook up but nothing significant to fill the emotional void

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6 hours ago, Deebee said:

Which makes me feel selfish and exploitive.

So find someone who feels selfish and exploitive when they're with you. Both of you in disbelief at the crazy score you've made...

More thoughts later.

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