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Revisionist History (original and continuation - it's got holes in it)


ploder4

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I was also impatient to post this story so I'm putting out the rough draft.  The writer's block on this one also got the better of me.   Enjoy.  Comments welcome.  If anyone wishes to fill in the holes or improve the continuation, you are more than welcome to do it. 

 

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I actually enjoyed your continuation a lot. One thing that bothered me about the original ending was how horribly unfair it seemed. This was a pretty just punishment. (You know, because people care about my literary analysis of erotica.)

-X-

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3 hours ago, Xyggurat said:

I actually enjoyed your continuation a lot. One thing that bothered me about the original ending was how horribly unfair it seemed. This was a pretty just punishment. (You know, because people care about my literary analysis of erotica.)

-X-

I totally agree with Xyggurat!

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i do like this ending better. But i must admit that i am sad they did not have all the bad memories stripped from them and they would actually have a happy equal life wuth each other. =(

But then again i am a bit too much of a lover of that kind of happy endings and thus one is still a bit of a happy ending. It is still a bit if a sad ending for the 2,  even if it was perfect fir the story and they both end up happier. ^^;

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I'm one for happy endings too, but I wanted to keep the idea that there should be consequences.  This ending is better because of the sacrifice by compromise.  I disagreed with the ending of this story too when I first read the original.  It seemed to over the top to me.  Brad gets everything and Derek gets nothing if not everything else taken away from him too including his life and dignity.  Brad obviously had mental issues. 

I'm glad you liked it.  It makes me feel good knowing I wrote a semi good continuation.   :)

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What's nice is that it shows clearly what is most important to each of the siblings in how they get revenge on each other. Brad takes his brother's muscles, intellect, and stature from him because those are what he sees as defining their relationship. Derek takes their familial connection away, because he's obviously the better person and he sees that as punishment enough. It's a bit tragic that Brad is probably too irredeemable to know what he's lost because it's not tangible to him.

...did I mention I'm doing theme work on (non-erotic) novel #3? Because that's where all of this blabbing is coming from.

-X-

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25 minutes ago, Xyggurat said:

What's nice is that it shows clearly what is most important to each of the siblings in how they get revenge on each other. Brad takes his brother's muscles, intellect, and stature from him because those are what he sees as defining their relationship. Derek takes their familial connection away, because he's obviously the better person and he sees that as punishment enough. It's a bit tragic that Brad is probably too irredeemable to know what he's lost because it's not tangible to him.

...did I mention I'm doing theme work on (non-erotic) novel #3? Because that's where all of this blabbing is coming from.

-X-

No way? You are writing an actual novel? That is so awesome!!

I wush you great luck with it. 83 <3

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3 hours ago, ploder4 said:

I'm one for happy endings too, but I wanted to keep the idea that there should be consequences.  This ending is better because of the sacrifice by compromise.  I disagreed with the ending of this story too when I first read the original.  It seemed to over the top to me.  Brad gets everything and Derek gets nothing if not everything else taken away from him too including his life and dignity.  Brad obviously had mental issues. 

I'm glad you liked it.  It makes me feel good knowing I wrote a semi good continuation.   :)

You did not write a semi good continuation. It is a great one. ^^ And ended tge story in the most perfect way it could have ended and in quite the realistic way too. I mean: If you were in Derek's place, would you have dun the same thing as ge did in the end? Gain everything back and more, but getting revenge on Brad as well by breaking their familial connection and breaking his heart even if it was only for a couple of minutes till his memory changed and he forgot that he had a family and became a different person. ^^

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42 minutes ago, Hanugumo said:

You did not write a semi good continuation. It is a great one. ^^ And ended tge story in the most perfect way it could have ended and in quite the realistic way too. I mean: If you were in Derek's place, would you have dun the same thing as ge did in the end? Gain everything back and more, but getting revenge on Brad as well by breaking their familial connection and breaking his heart even if it was only for a couple of minutes till his memory changed and he forgot that he had a family and became a different person. ^^

And another thing about this continuation was I originally had it taking an even darker turn at one point.  Derek committing suicide and setting it up so that Brad would take the fall for it.  Brad goes to prison and etc being haunted by his dead brother.   But that was too much after some thought.  It didn't gel together as I wrote it either. 

As I said, this ending came together much easier.   

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