I like the act of lifting itself. I lift in the morning before work, and some days that's the easiest part of my day and some days it's the hardest, but all days it leaves me feeling like I've accomplished something. Seeing the numbers increase week over week and month over month is inspiring to me, and the physical changes are starting to get noticed now that I have four months under my belt. It's simultaneously a rush and intimidating because I'm standing out more just by being in the room, so I have to be more "on."
I've always wanted to be muscular--to have that body that people look at with admiration, awe, and envy and to handle it with grace. For a long time I could never imagine myself as muscular, and though my legs grow very quickly my upper body has always lagged behind. Now that I'm finally making progress, I realized that it's been me who's been holding myself back all this time. Now that I'm fully embracing getting huge as my goal, I'm working out more intensely and the hard lifts are getting even easier. My trainer's noticed my drive has improved and that's making me push even harder. It's a strong positive feedback loop and I'm really enjoying it.
I've always wanted to have a muscular partner who's as determined to get as huge as I want to. In the past, I held hope that I would find someone who would see that spark in me and be willing and able to lift me up. Now I realize that I have to do all of that myself to attract that man. It's the dedication to the disciplined lifestyle of the bodybuilder that turns me on. This idea that you have to have your shit figured out in order to make progress in the gym while balancing that against work and a personal life is a huge turn on to me. The muscular implies personal strength and discipline and I find that intrinsically attractive.