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Stereotypes- Rise of the Celts

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Owen pulled his coat close to himself, the rain pelting down onto the Danish street. Even though he’d lived here for over a year he still felt like a fish out of water. It was nice place, he just felt small. The average height here for men was much higher than back home in Britain, and 5′8 Owen was at least 6 inches shorter then the average blond Danish man.

He rushed up the stairs to his apartment, where the feeling that he was tiny got worse. Owen lived with a German, a Dane, a Swede and an Asian-American. All of them were big guys, they all went to the gym together, leaving little redheaded Owen alone.

Owen found Peter and Sven watching TV in their workout shorts, the German scratching at his abs, while Sven was tying his Swedish mane of golden blond hair into a bun. The TV’s sound was turned up very loud, and Owen could just about hear why. Lee’s bed was crashing against his bedroom wall, the giant Japanese hulk from San Francisco was ruining another poor Danish girl.

Owen sighed, Lee was always at it, Asians were just sex gods, plain and simple. It still felt odd to him, like Asians didn’t fit the image. Owen just couldn’t place it, like something had changed. He always brushed those thoughts off, he was just jealous of the massive stud. Owen grinned to himself at his own stupid thoughts and started pulling off his shoes, when Noah the native Dane thudded pass him, knocking Owen off balance.

“Shit… sorry Owen” he apologised pulling off his headphones

Noah was oversized, and was more viking like then Sven. Overdeveloped pecs stretched out his shirt and long beard masked an amazing solid jawline. He’d got caught without a coat and his shirt was damp to his chest and thick meaty arms. Owen nodded in response to his apology and bit his lips as Noah’s pecs bounces involuntary. He headed to the kitchen, while Noah slapped both Peter and Sven on their beefy shoulders before vanishing into his room to change out of his wet clothes.

“Anyone want a cuppa” Owen asked the two big blond men on the sofa

“Nah” Peter called back

“Owen, I haven’t asked, what is it with you Brits and tea” Sven asked

Owen ran a hand through his short reddish hair and sighed.

“I really have no idea” He grinned, something about India and the empire

They all spoke english in the apartment, as all of them but Noah were learning Danish. Owen lifted a supposably clean cup out of the sink, only it wasn’t and cold tea splattered Owen’s shirt. He grimaced and pulled off his shirt, his pale lean chest on show, lightly freckled and with little to no fat. Thankfully his red sweats were spared, he wouldn’t have to show off his tiny bulge, damn his Irish genes. That was another thing he was jealous about, he remembered his grandad mentioning before Owen moved to Denmark that ‘Hung like a Viking’ was a saying, and it seemed to be true. All of his roommates were hung, and weren’t shy about it. He expected it of Lee, ‘once you go Asian’ was well known, but all his other roommates being hung like bulls, that was just unlucky. It wasn’t like stereotypes were true.

Owen just shook his head, he was being stupid again, he was just a twinky ginger, he sighed. He tossed his shirt into the washing machine, finding some of the guys dirty clothes. What was it with these guys, they made a mess and wouldn’t ever clean, it was always Owen’s job.

“Fucking vikings” Owen muttered

———————————————————————————————————————————

He stretched himself out after rising from the washing machine, his meaty wide hands palmed the ceiling. He let out a deep contented groan as his long vast muscled back cracked.

“Owen can I get pass please” the small soft almost nervous voice of Noah asked

He grunted and leaned back, letting the small Dane slip passed him, Owen’s own swollen rounded pecs blocked his view of the tasty looking blond. Owen stared at the cup of tea on the side, he knew he’d made it but why. It was germanic Peter who inherited his country’s stereotypical lust for tea. With a meaty hand he poured it down the sink and grabbed a bottle of water.

Owen’s wide feet thudded with each step, his heavy swinging cock bounced wildly, level with Peter and Sven’s heads when he stood behind them. Both little vikings looked up at Owen, their eyes on the imprint of his hardening cock. Owen could almost hear them gulp, he gave it a scratch, hung like a celt he thought. He remembered when he showed each of the little blond northern europeans what that meant, even Lee was shocked when he saw it swinging when Owen swagged around naked.

He stepped around and sat between his ‘reluctant’ fuck buddies, they loved it and half the time begged for it, but none of them wanted to admit they rode the cock of the ginger celt they shared a room with, especially as Noah liked to have Owen dress up like some shitty marvel superhero, Taranis or something, he was the celt god of thunder. Owen usually just forced his cock down Noah’s throat when the little viking tried to explain it to him. Owen was too busy eating, drinking, fucking or fighting to read comics, he was a pureblooded celt after all.

Owen bounced his thick bicep, he could feel Sven’s pale fingers running along the celtic war band he had tattooed around the muscle.

“Shit Owen, can’t get over how fucking big you are” the deep voice of Lee chuckled

He swagged into the room, slick with sweat. Owen remembered when Lee moved in, the huge asian looked like he’d shit himself when he had to stare up at Owen, it was like the guy had never met a celt before.

“I’m a celt, dumbass” Owen called back “Average height is like 6′4 back home”

“And you’re way above average” Lee sniggered giving Noah a playful slap on his peachy ass as the little viking slipped pass the massive American

“Hell yea” Owen laughed giving Lee the view of his back flexing as he hit a double bicep pose from the couch

“I should visit Britain sometime, would be nice to be a shorty for once” Lee said

“Oh yea” Owen said “And you boys too” he slapped his hands on Peter and Sven’s shoulders “I’m Iceni, we breed them big”

Noah wrapped his little arms around Owen’s thick neck, kissing Owen’s traps. Noah while scared of how he’d be treated if people found out he loved getting pillaged by a celt like his homeland had been for hundreds of years was more open with his affection in private than Peter and Sven.

Noah continued with the talk about Owen’s family tribe “And don’t Iceni boys share”

Peter and Sven looked pass the rising tent stretching out Owen’s sweats with aroused but terrified eyes and gulped, both knowing Owen was one of 9 brothers.

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I gave this one a like just for the hot, hot gif. Looking forward to reading the story a little later!

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47 minutes ago, Kymuscleboy said:

I gave this one a like just for the hot, hot gif. Looking forward to reading the story a little later!

I gave you a like just because you're so very right. That falls under "guys that are painful".

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2 hours ago, megantuan said:

I gave you a like just because you're so very right. That falls under "guys that are painful".

He is painfully hot to look at.  This falls into that category of picture (or gif) that's hard to decide if it's had a little morphing or not, but I think he's just that darn big! Of course, he's off-season which helps size wise, but he's not all bloated out like some bodybuilders get and still has abs. Just too much goodness. 

Also, ABSQRST ,·I really liked the story, although it took it me a minute to figure out what was going on with the switcheroo  in who was big and who was small in the second act. I only wish the English and Irish had that stereotype!  Maybe I'm just not Celtic enough.  😉

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3 hours ago, Kymuscleboy said:

He is painfully hot to look at.  This falls into that category of picture (or gif) that's hard to decide if it's had a little morphing or not, but I think he's just that darn big! Of course, he's off-season which helps size wise, but he's not all bloated out like some bodybuilders get and still has abs. Just too much goodness. 

Also, ABSQRST ,·I really liked the story, although it took it me a minute to figure out what was going on with the switcheroo  in who was big and who was small in the second act. I only wish the English and Irish had that stereotype!  Maybe I'm just not Celtic enough.  😉

There were "Scandinavian" Celts (Scotts). Celts were found from Ireland to Western Europe north of the Alps, and were subsumed by the Romans with the exception of the Scotts. I'm genetically Scandinavian by my Y chromosome which matches with my paternal family history. The "Scandinavian Celts", read as Vikings that decided not to leave, and good luck making them, that my maternal family is from were noted historically for the number of tall men in that family.

The reality shifting got me too, though I suspected it from the "once you go Asian line" in the first part, so I wasn't too tripped up.

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On 5/9/2019 at 6:23 PM, ABSQRST said:

Sorry if the reality change didn’t make any sense.

Oh, it's not that it didn't make any sense. It just took a minute to catch up to it. Maybe the washing machine should have given Owen an electric shock to clue in us dullards, lol.

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As a Scandinavian with a massive celtomania, this story pressed all the right buttons to me. 😀

On 5/9/2019 at 7:13 AM, megantuan said:

There were "Scandinavian" Celts (Scotts).

Not as the words "Celts" and "Scandinavians" are normally used -- about languages -- but I understand some of what you are trying to convey.

Celtic languages and Scandinavian languages are indeed related to each other, because both groups are sub-groups of the Indo-European family of languages (which, among others, also include Hindi, Urdu, Persian, Armenian, Russian, Lithuanian, German, Yiddish, French and Greek), but they are still two distinct sub-groups under the shared umbrella.

On 5/9/2019 at 7:13 AM, megantuan said:

Celts were found from Ireland to Western Europe north of the Alps, and were subsumed by the Romans with the exception of the Scotts.

Both Ireland, Scotland and Isle of Man remained outside the Roman Empire, actually. The Roman presence didn't mean, that Celtic languages went extinct under Roman rule: The Bretons living in Brittany and the Cymru in Wales are just as "Celtic" as the Irish and the Scots, and there are also attempts to revive and preserve the Cornish language in Cornwall and the Manx language in Isle of Man. There are a handful of Celtic languages still alive, beside Irish and Scottish Gaelic.

On 5/9/2019 at 7:13 AM, megantuan said:

I'm genetically Scandinavian by my Y chromosome which matches with my paternal family history.

The contacts between Scandinavia and the islands in the North Sea goes way more far back, than just the viking settlements in the 9th and 10th centuries CE. Between 2900 and 1800 BCE, merchants from Ireland and Great Britain settled on the west coasts of Denmark, Norway and Sweden. They probably brought domesticated cattle, the use of tin and the burial in a particular type of cist. A significant number of modern Scandinavians are descendants of that particular Neolithic migration wave, which is associated with the Y chromosome known as R1b. 

Two other Y chromosomes frequently found in Scandinavia are R1a and I1, in a long-term perspective more frequent on the east coasts.

The Anglo-Saxons in England, who spoke Germanic languages, were also related to Scandinavians. Though the Saxon element of the population spoke in a way closely related to mainland German (because they originally came from the region now known as Lower Saxony), the Jutes and the Angles spoke in a way more closely related to Scandinavian languages. That similarity to Scandinavian languages became of course enforced during Danish rule in Essex, Suffolk, Norfolk, Midlands and Yorkshire 867-954 CE, and, before 1066, the English and the Scandinavians understood each other without much problem, but the introduction of the Norman dialect of the French language into England caused English and Scandinavian languages to diverge from each other from that point.

If you compare modern English and Swedish words for technology used before 1066, the relation between the two languages become apparent, especially if you read the words out loud, and not get lost in how they are spelled.

  • Stone - Sten
  • Bronze - Brons
  • Iron - Järn
  • Salt - Salt
  • Honey - Honung
  • Ale - Öl (though "öl" cover both ale and lager today)
  • Wheat - Vete
  • Corn (i.e. barley) - Korn
  • Rye - Råg
  • Bread - Bröd
  • Tree - Träd
  • (a piece of) Wood - Ved (especially firewood)
  • Leaves - Löv
  • Grass - Gräs
  • Glass - Glas
  • Leather - Läder
  • Ship - Skepp
  • (a) Sail - Segel
  • (to) Sail - Segla
  • Oar (of a ship) - Åra
  • Rudder - Roder
  • Axe - Yxa
  • Lance - Lans
  • Sword - Svärd
  • Sheath (of a sword) - Skida (för svärd)
  • Shield - Sköld
  • Wind - Vind
  • Sea - Sjö
  • Flood (tidal water) - Flod
  • Hearth - Härd
  • Ash (from hearth) - Aska
  • (the tree) Ash - Ask
  • Oak - Ek
  • Birch - Björk
  • Beech - Bok
  • Rowan - Rönn
  • Cow - Ko
  • Goat - Get
  • Mare - Märr
  • Sow (animal) - So
  • (to) Sow  - Så
  • Fish (animal) - Fisk
  • (to) Fish  - Fiska
  • Hard - Hård
  • Thin - Tunn
  • Garth ("Farmyard" in Yorkshire dialect) - Gård
  • Bairn ("Child" in Scottish dialect) - Barn
  • Winter - Vinter
  • Summer - Sommar
  • Night - Natt
  • Day - Dag

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To further @Hialmar's explanation of  "Both Ireland, Scotland and Isle of Man remained outside the Roman Empire, actually. The Roman presence didn't mean, that Celtic languages went extinct under Roman rule: The Bretons living in Brittany and the Cymru in Wales are just as "Celtic" as the Irish and the Scots, and there are also attempts to revive and preserve the Cornish language in Cornwall and the Manx language in Isle of Man. There are a handful of Celtic languages still alive, beside Irish and Scottish Gaelic", every year there is a Pan Celtic Festival held the week after Easter since 1971, where the regions and nations of Brittany (France), Cornwall, Wales, Scotland, Isle of Man (United Kingdom) and the Republic of Ireland all take part in and these areas are traditionally called Celtic.

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Why assume that I didn't mean in Western Europe the Celts were subsumed by the Romans? I liked the list of Swedish words. It reminded me of the Muppets chef. 

Bros, being serious, way too much response. Really interesting, but too much. I might need to take a shower to wash the nerd off after swimming through all that.

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24 minutes ago, megantuan said:

I might need to take a shower to wash the nerd off after swimming through all that.

May I quote you in one of my MG stories? It would be an excellent and hilarious one-liner for one of the characters!

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28 minutes ago, Hialmar said:

May I quote you in one of my MG stories? It would be an excellent and hilarious one-liner for one of the characters!

Sure. Say geek instead of nerd if you're using it to humiliate, nerd to convey disdain. I try to not be a cocky ass, and fail frequently. I probably have a lot of those kinds of things that are off-the-cuff, and a few that are not. A favorite is "good boys and girls obey alphas".

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8 minutes ago, megantuan said:

I try to not be a cocky ass, and fail frequently. 

Well, I didn't interpret it as disdain as much as playful wittiness, trying to meet your environment's expectations.

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1 hour ago, Hialmar said:

Well, I didn't interpret it as disdain as much as playful wittiness, trying to meet your environment's expectations.

That sounds good. Let's go with that. I do have a good sense of humour.

If you used the quote in a story the way I would, that would be the distinction between nerd and geek. 

I already let a romance novel author use my name for a character, so using a quote however you want is no big deal.

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